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Just a Few More Steps, and

I have seen the new food pyramid, and the news is good–apparently, if you run up just a few steps a day, you can eat anything you want at the top of the pyramid! At least, that’s what I heard someone on NPR say. She seemed worried that all of us graphic sign-people would take xanax buy pharmacy phentermine On the 20 March 2008 xanax buy pharmacy phentermine flight was the first time voice calls have been allowed in-flight on […]

Just a Few More Steps, and

I have seen the new food pyramid, and the news is good–apparently, if you run up just a few steps a day, you can eat anything you want at the top of the pyramid! At least, that’s what I heard someone on NPR say. She seemed worried that all of us graphic sign-people would take loan personal brokersloan personal paquotes personal loanpersonal in london loans companiespersonal for loans arkansasloans for women personalpersonal lender loansyork loans new state personal Maploan short […]

You

Never underestimate the powers of a girl whose night out in NYC has been cruely ripped from her grasp. I checked in with a friend on the way to the city, and she relayed the bad news: stomach flu had felled our babysitter. I shook my fist and cursed the darkness, then picked up my cell phone and started flipping through names—who would know a babysitter? Karen, friend and sitter extraordinaire, is getting married in two weeks…I tried anyway. She […]

I’d forgotten entirely that one of the frustrations of older babies is their sheer shackling power. Sam was a master shackler. He could not, would not play alone. If he could see me, he wanted arms, kisses, breasts. I could do nothing while he was awake and little while he was asleep due to his sheer unpredictability. They won’t watch TV (Oh, I know, bad and all that, but come ON…). They cannot be bribed, or sedated with snacks, and […]

(From the Motherhood, LLC Employee Manual

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The Terrible Twisty Tentacles of Depression and Schadenfreude

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Beautiful Duke (Rhymes with Puke)

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On Gratitude, the Media, and Michael Jackson

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The West Wing Finale (Finally)

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The Triumph of Optimism over Experience (Again)

The most popular jogging route in town runs right past our front door. On a beautiful spring day, you can’t help but look at the people running by and find yourself somehow convinced that they are having fun–that their shins do not hurt and their hearts are not pounding and their lungs are not crying for mercy. Or at least, I can’t. I put Lily into the jog stroller and set out on the 3-mile loop. Is it possible to […]

Better Rested But Probably Still Damned…

As always, things look better in daylight. In fact, Lily slept until 4:45, then nursed and went back to sleep until seven in our bed. If I’d known she was going to do that, instead of convincing myself she was going to wake up every ten minutes until doomsday, I would not have a large purple mark on my palm. Now that no one is screaming and the sun is shining and the kids are, in fact, with Holly so […]

Chronicles of the Sleepless and Damned

I just hit Lily’s crib so hard that I think I broke my hand. Really helped. too. I imagine she feels really secure in there right now. I also screamed back at her in rage, hit myself repeatedly in the head with my hand and shook said crib, hard. All in an attempt to get her to just GO TO SLEEP AND STAY ASLEEP DAMNIT. No one heard me and came to my rescue. Probably more significantly, no one came […]

I Went for a Run Today, and It

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Define "Gossip"

Really, nothing is better than a little bit of dish. Particularly if that dish makes you feel, oh, just that much better than the person about whom your source is dishing. Maybe, just maybe, you feel like a better mother, or a better wife, or just a better person all around, period. Gives you just that warm glow. For about an hour. Then you’re left with knowledge. Knowledge that, if shared, could make others feel like better mothers, better wives, […]

Why My Husband Is Lots Better Than Yours

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Faith, Hope and Envy

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Nothing like a Skull & Crossbones Crib Bumper

This might very well have changed my entire nursery decorating scheme. Or maybe not. But who knew the whole cool-baby thing had gone so far? You all know my views on decking babies out in parental political views (or if you don’t, click here). And Babywit.com certainly has enough of those. But I think I’ve found just the right look for Lily. Perfect. country free ringtones India expects to reach 500 million subscribers by end of 2010. ringtones band [citation […]

My Son, the Imaginary Bully

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The Gift of a Fine Whine

Every parent wants her child to be advanced, so you can imagine my surprise and pleasure when I realized that Sam, 3, was clearly whining on a first grade level. His heaving sighs and his weary gasps of “Oooh-Kaay” when required to complete a less than desirable task, like picking up a toy or peeing in the toilet, reminded me irresistibly of the little girl across the street, whose aimless heel kicking and pouting I had long admired. His “but […]

The Book of Joe (Jonathan Tropper)

But here’s the thing. None of this ever happened. Or maybe it did. I can’t tell anymore. I’ve spent so much time reliving and rewriting those years that I can no longer descern which vignettes are the result of which process. In my reckless anger, I’ve managed to fuck up a vital area of memory to the point where I will never again be able to isolage reality, and so whatever good there might have been has now been lost […]