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Better Rested But Probably Still Damned…

As always, things look better in daylight. In fact, Lily slept until 4:45, then nursed and went back to sleep until seven in our bed. If I’d known she was going to do that, instead of convincing myself she was going to wake up every ten minutes until doomsday, I would not have a large purple mark on my palm. Now that no one is screaming and the sun is shining and the kids are, in fact, with Holly so […]

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Chronicles of the Sleepless and Damned

I just hit Lily’s crib so hard that I think I broke my hand. Really helped. too. I imagine she feels really secure in there right now. I also screamed back at her in rage, hit myself repeatedly in the head with my hand and shook said crib, hard. All in an attempt to get her to just GO TO SLEEP AND STAY ASLEEP DAMNIT. No one heard me and came to my rescue. Probably more significantly, no one came […]

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I Went for a Run Today, and It

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Define "Gossip"

Really, nothing is better than a little bit of dish. Particularly if that dish makes you feel, oh, just that much better than the person about whom your source is dishing. Maybe, just maybe, you feel like a better mother, or a better wife, or just a better person all around, period. Gives you just that warm glow. For about an hour. Then you’re left with knowledge. Knowledge that, if shared, could make others feel like better mothers, better wives, […]

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Why My Husband Is Lots Better Than Yours

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Faith, Hope and Envy

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Nothing like a Skull & Crossbones Crib Bumper

This might very well have changed my entire nursery decorating scheme. Or maybe not. But who knew the whole cool-baby thing had gone so far? You all know my views on decking babies out in parental political views (or if you don’t, click here). And Babywit.com certainly has enough of those. But I think I’ve found just the right look for Lily. Perfect. country free ringtones India expects to reach 500 million subscribers by end of 2010. ringtones band [citation […]

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My Son, the Imaginary Bully

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The Gift of a Fine Whine

Every parent wants her child to be advanced, so you can imagine my surprise and pleasure when I realized that Sam, 3, was clearly whining on a first grade level. His heaving sighs and his weary gasps of “Oooh-Kaay” when required to complete a less than desirable task, like picking up a toy or peeing in the toilet, reminded me irresistibly of the little girl across the street, whose aimless heel kicking and pouting I had long admired. His “but […]

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The Book of Joe (Jonathan Tropper)

But here’s the thing. None of this ever happened. Or maybe it did. I can’t tell anymore. I’ve spent so much time reliving and rewriting those years that I can no longer descern which vignettes are the result of which process. In my reckless anger, I’ve managed to fuck up a vital area of memory to the point where I will never again be able to isolage reality, and so whatever good there might have been has now been lost […]

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Elegance (Kathleen Tessaro)

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The River of Bile

Thinking the reference to bile is figurative, and I intend, perhaps, to rant in some negative way about some subject dear to my heart? Sadly, sadly, you are wrong. The bile is literal. Bile, vomit, barf, chunks, throw-up…I’ve been down with then all for the past 20 hours or so, giving me four hours to go on a supposed 24-hour bug (what, and then I can go out for burgers?) Lifting my head up from my night of convening with […]

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Death, Tact and the Preschooler

I only wish I knew what led up to this conversation, but when Sam and his friend joey are playing quietly in another room, we leave them until someone comes out bleeding. Sitting in the dining room, madly frosting cookies for tomorrow’s bake sale, Laura and I hear: “My grandpa died. He died, and my Grandma Layne misses him very much, and she’s sad, and I have to go visit her and keep her company.” “Oh.” It’s hard to convey […]

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At the Bike Races

My house is cleaned, when it is cleaned, by three fabulous women. I believe this is for the best, because it’s not really a job for a single individual, particularly not one who is easily daunted. It is certainly not a job for me. Last week, these women went on vacation. All together, along with the other four women that make up this cleaning company. Packed their bags and headed to Disney. Before they left, Lori (who’s in charge, at […]

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Damn, Did I Forget to Feed Her?

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All in My Head

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Cheap Amusements, Part 1

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Optimism

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On the Radio

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On Another Potty Note

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I've got Ten Mantras for Happier Parents (based on the research for my book, How to Be a Happier Parent). They've worked for me—want to try them?

Hi, I’m KJ. Can I send you something?