How It’s Done Blog

Our children can change. If we let them.

Every time we expect our kids to behave badly (like they have before), we pound a fake edge into the larger puzzle.

The Chore Challenge, Week 5: Respect Their Ability to Do It Right

It only feels like we’re doing kids a favor when we don’t hold them accountable.

The Chore Challenge Week Four: The momentum slows….

I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of this whole chore thing. Inertia is pulling me back in the direction of just of doing it myself. We had so many nights this past week where one or even both of the dinner cleaner-uppers weren’t at dinner, or were sick, that the idea of ownership of the chore just really lost momentum. If it’s everybody’s job, it’s nobody’s job. And the one night when I wasn’t home, all the kids […]

Chore Challenge Week 3: “Nobody likes it when you move their walls.”

2-year-olds aren’t too young for chores, but pick your battles—and once you start asking a child to do something, don’t stop.

Before You Limit Your Kids’ Screen Time, Should You Look at Your Own?

New research has parents of kids 8-18 reporting an astonishing 7.5 hours of personal screen time a day. If that’s true, how can we help our kids learn to limit themselves?

#AmWriting’s Tax Tips for Writers Download

Episode 39 of the #AmWriting podcast was all about taxes for writers. Jess stunned me with her organization and then laid out a plan to follow for 2017, and we dished about getting things together and organizing our deductions and whatnot for 2016. To go with it, Jess made a Tax Tips for Writers download, and then I lined it all up so that you guys can get it. Just sign up here, and our Tax Tips for Writers download […]

The Chore Challenge, Week One: NO WONDER this wasn’t working.

There was a lot of moaning. There was a lot of cleaning. It would still be much easier to just clean the kitchen myself.

The 12-Week Chore Challenge: My Kids Will Clean The Stupid Kitchen If It Kills Me.

By April, your kids could be doing that chore they don’t do. Mine will be cleaning up after dinner. Yours? Join in and make it happen.

Win a Book to Change How You Think About “Busy”

I’ve changed the way I think about time thanks to Laura Vanderkam’s work—and now I’m giving away two copies of her book (and a fun copper bracelet). Read why, and enter.

#ReadySetGo2: Setting #WriterResolutions for 2017

For me, one of the biggest barriers to setting goals is stopping doing things long enough to decide what I want to do. On Episode 34 of the #AmWriting podcast, Jessica Lahey and I talked writerly goals: specifically, what makes a good goal, and how to set some in honor of this traditionally goal-setting time of the year. For Episode 35, we’re actually setting those goals—which means getting them down on paper. It also means checking in on last year’s […]

My Word for 2017: Linger.

Linger. That’s my word this year. Professionally, personally, with family, with friends, over essays and book chapters and all the work I put out into the world or keep to myself, I want to linger. I I want to take time, to stay at the table, to rest in the silence or the laughter. In my work, I want to re-read, to edit, to set aside and revisit. And, of course, with the book I’m working on, I need to […]

The Workout I Actually DO

I don’t even have to make a resolution around exercising this year, because—after years of trying things and failing, I’ve actually found a workout I can do, I will do, and I don’t really mind doing.

#ReadySetGoal: Non-Resolutions to Guide You Into a Productive New Year

On Episode 34 of the #AmWriting podcast, Jessica Lahey and I talked writerly goals: specifically, what makes a good goal, and how to set some in honor of this traditionally goal-setting time of the year. We started off by defining a goal by what it’s not—it’s not a resolution. Or maybe it kind of is, but resolutions are often big and amorphous, hard to measure and somewhat doomed. (“I will be kinder. I will be a better daughter. I will […]

You want to give experiences, not things—but that’s not as easy as it sounds. 

Ok, you know the drill. I know the drill. The best gifts, for our over-indulged children and our cluttered homes and the simple lifestyle we aspire to in the post-Kondo world are experiences, not things. Got it. But that’s a hard standard to live up to, right? Experiences take time and effort. Having given them, you, too, often must experience them. And as much as I don’t feel the need to add more Lego to our collection, I also don’t really […]

KJ’s Best Gifts for Writers

In the most recent episode of the #AmWriting podcast, co-host Jessica Lahey and I offered up—along with my December Keep Your Butt in the Chair Manifesto and a reminder that even though the holidays are upon us, WRITERS GONNA WRITE—a list of some of our favorite writer-y things that we’ve aquired over the years. Mine, I realize, skewed awfully heavy on the Decoupage Tissue Box covers–but I am telling you, these are great. Everyone needs a tissue box cover, or at least, […]

The Get Your Butt in the Chair Manifesto: It’s Up to You Whether You Write Today.

I read the Get Your Butt in the Chair Manifesto, below, today on the #AmWriting podcast I do with Jessica Lahey, after a day of cursing out every interruption even as I accepted and, shall we say, enabled them (especially those “interruptions” called Messages, Twitter and Facebook). (You’ll find it in Episode 32.)   I know it’s December. I know things are tough. I know that, quite literally, EVERY SINGLE PERSON I have interviewed this week has at least one […]

It is harder to raise the comeback kid than the golden child. And better.

What you want for your child now may not lead to what you want for your child in the future.

The Voices In My Head Said Not to Write This

Who the hell put an email with the subject line “You can write faster than you think” in my in-box? Go inspire someone else, Jeff Goins. I can’t write at all.

It’s Ok to Be Happy When Things Aren’t Grate

“I hate you, Mommy. You are not grate. You are NOT GRATE, Mommy.”

Win the November Big Box O’ Books!

a Rafflecopter giveaway I did a drawing for my book drawing. This box is heavy–I’ve got 13 books stacked here to go into it. (I have to get new copies of “The Readers of Broken Wheel Recommend” and “A Field Guide to Lies” because I’m giving my copy of Readers to a friend, and I want to keep A Field Guide to Lies–but it will be ready to go out next week, and full of books for reading and sharing. […]