Chronicles of the Sleepless and Damned

I just hit Lily’s crib so hard that I think I broke my hand. Really helped. too. I imagine she feels really secure in there right now. I also screamed back at her in rage, hit myself repeatedly in the head with my hand and shook said crib, hard. All in an attempt to get her to just GO TO SLEEP AND STAY ASLEEP DAMNIT.

No one heard me and came to my rescue. Probably more significantly, no one came to her rescue, either. I have not slept for more than 45 minutes straight in three days. Neither has she.

So I finally picked her up, held her for the two minutes she needs to fall back asleep, and put her back in the crib. If I don’t, she screams on and on, in increasing rage and agony. She struggles and struggles (she’s in a blanket sack) unti l she pulls herself upright. She is nowhere near crying herself to sleep, not even remotely. She can go forty minutes, I assume longer. I can’t. For all those who’ve successfully sleep trained their child by letting them scream it out and then told me how wonderful it was, I say, Fuck You. FUCK YOU. Thanks so much for making me feel, if at all possible, even worse than I already did. Because now, not only are we both miserable, but it’s my fault, because I can’t even teach her to sleep properly.

My hand hurts. I feel like hell, and I feel like shit. Why can’t I just let her sleep with me? She’ll never learn, mutter the voices.

This is ridiculous.

8 Responses to “Chronicles of the Sleepless and Damned”

  1. JK says:

    I wish I could come take the night shift tonight for you. I’m so sorry honey. I obviously (and the rest of the Internet) don’t know the whole story, so fill me/us in. Maybe someone will have a trick or two you haven’t tried.

    Is she teething? Did you give her advil?

    The good thing, she’ll never remember that you hit her crib so hard your hand hurt…. In fact, she forgot about 2.3 seconds later.

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