I do own an iron. We do. Also an ironing board, with a fetching blue and white checked cover (I think. I would have to check, as it’s been a while since I’ve seen it. I’m not actually sure where it is, but I think I could find it. There aren’t that many places to keep an ironing board, after all. They’re quite large.)
So I do. Own an iron. Which means that I could iron something. I think it’s generally understood that I’m speaking hypothetically, here. But I could iron something. I certainly own a number of wrinkly things, so that wouldn’t be a problem.
Years ago, when my husband and I first moved in together, I agreed to take his shirts to the dry cleaner, and chose the “fold” option (cheaper) over the hanger option. I chose poorly. I also agreed to light starch, which turned out to be wrong, too, but I digress.
Folded shirts have creases, and he had some even the next day that required, for whatever reason, that he be uncreased. So I offered to iron the shirt. This lead, perhaps not surprisingly, to our very first living together fight, because he felt that my ironing job was inadequate.
I know how to iron a shirt, I said. I used to get a dollar a shirt for ironing my dad’s. He suggested that my father had low standards. I suggested that his were ridiculously high. He offered to demonstrate to me how a shirt should be ironed. I offered to demonstrate to him some of the other things that could be done with an iron. It only went downhill from there, really.
So while I could, hypothetically, iron something, I probably won’t. If I did, though, it would be the same iron. We haven’t bought a new one or anything. We still have the same one. Not for sentimental reasons, though.
I think I have now used the word iron enough times that it’s lost all meaning and begun to look weird and wrong, don’t you?
Hangers. No Starch. It’s engraved on my heart.
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