Three solid i-friends (Mommy, Lori and the mother of Awesome Cloud) are in China right now. Some bonding troubles, not all is going perfectly–but I find myself envying them, especially those last two, who sound, at least, uncomplicatedly happy.
I think China really screwed us–and this has nothing to do with Rory at all. But the quarantine…that was so hard, and so scary, even though in retrospect I can see that we didn’t need to be frightened, and so long…you know, in order to accept it we just had to be so beaten down, from the American point of view, that I think I, at least, was at a real disadvantage going forward.
I am thinking that to be as water–to let things roll into you and out of you, which is a very Buddhist way of being…I am thinking that that truly is a very Eastern religion. To be accepting of all things and to recognize that it is not the thing itself which troubles you, but your attitude toward the thing–that is an attitude which, admirable though it seems and as good a goal as it may be in the modern world, truly reflects a life in which you do not control your own destiny. In other words, a very Chinese life. We got that lesson, in China, and I much prefer the Western idea that we do have some control. I can see that in the end, death and its timing overtakes us all–but why not enjoy, and do more than just accept, life as we live it?
This is a tad incoherent, but I feel like it’s the beginning of a thought for me, and maybe even a change. I have been trying to be more accepting, but maybe to be accepting of those things that are not about me, and more in a spirit of movement and change towards those things that are, or that I can help move–that would be better. Maybe I would rather be moving water than still. I am going to see if I can develop that, and do more with it.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, more compromise was spotted this weekend–lots of it. Many, many tantrums weren’t just headed of at the pass, but died on the vine (as did many metaphors). Me, I rolled–Rory being something I do prefer to be as water with, at least when it’s not important. Important matters worthy of correction today included: grabbing the 14-year-old dog by the collar and hauling her into various rooms and shutting the door (I think Rory just wants to have control over SOMEBODY), chasing the younger dog with a grabber-stick (you squeeze the handle and it grabs, but the point is just that the dog was scared), throwing a tennis ball at the ceiling, bouncing a soccer ball off the back of the driver’s seat, and the usual trying to take food into the living room to eat. A retrospective look at those, and the mild corrections entailed in each, still seems like a dandy day (and I could make similar lists for any of the three littles, although probably a little briefer). Things that I let slide included a desire to keep her bed made–daddy “mess it up” when he flips back the covers to tuck her in, and she is very upset–and yeah, that’s obviously not worth a battle, but not only did I let it slide, I got her an extra blanket. And for me to have the patience to get you an extra blanket at 8:30, after cooking dinner and brushing teeth and yadda–at a moment when all I want is to close the door on the whole pack of them–that’s love, frankly. I wasn’t even getting it to shut her up–she’d already accepted that there wasn’t one. I just wanted to make her happy. Hmm, what else? She got to eat raspberries in the car. And beef jerky straight out of the bag. And the last pop tart, which she got by actually looking in the drawer after I told Lily there weren’t any–which wasn’t subterfuge, I thought there weren’t any, so double checking me seems like a good plan. Food heavy, but then, it was a kind of a food heavy day.