The book I posted was Biscuit’s Halloween. Many of the Biscuit books include the Asian cousin, or whatever she is. Don’t forget I warned you that they’re also inane…harmless, and with nice big flaps, but you won’t WANT to read them.
Without going into too much detail, because I’m tired, I just want to say that I get a little tired of what sometimes feels like everyone else’s happy happy adoption blogs. It’s not that anything in particular has happened lately. It’s not that we’re not a lovely if large family. It’s just that sometimes Rory frustrates me, just as Lily and Wyatt and Sam do, and sometimes I’m not sure if it’s really just the same, or not, and then I go around reading blogs and looking for someone else who has a kid who ignores anything you say that she doesn’t want to hear, or makes you repeat the same thing over and over and over, or just won’t listen some of the time, and no, it’s all, this is the greatest thing we’ve ever done! Really! Â Fabulous!
It can be the greatest thing you’ve ever done and still not be rosy all the time, you know.
Sometimes the happy happy is the result of heavy filtering. For instance, my family members all want to discuss my blog with me every time they talk to me. That in itself is a weird feeling; I’ve kept a candid but mostly private personal blog for 8 years now, and it shocks me how relentlessly public my adoption blog is. My adoption agent reads it, my Zen teacher reads it… this is all my fault, of course. I gave them all the URL. I get emails from internet friends I’ve never met, who I haven’t chatted with in months, suddenly regaining an interest in me because they read all about the Cloud.
And one thing I’ve found is that I pay a heavy price for too much honesty about the negative aspects. I must also be careful about being too candid, because some things I write may sound too negative to my readers.
I’m not a media journalist, though. I have no real reason to tell the complete and unbiased story. Your approach reflects your vocation…. but my vocation is bookkeeping. Therefore my blog serves the purpose of keeping my family and friends informed and included, and offering them a warm, fuzzy feeling about the Cloud. (That’s a good purpose itself – many of my readers are unfamiliar with international adoption. I’m not a journalist; I’m a sales rep!)
If you’d like the more candid side of my story, it’s hidden away in my Livejournal. You have to have your own blog on that site to read it. But I’ll open it to any LJ’er who asks.
Sorry our struggly bits are not more accessible to you. They do exist!
I could tell tales about Cheeky sitting in front of the television and ignoring me when I call until I’m blue in the face, but that bores me. Maybe because I’ve parented through so many different phases with so many different kids, and those little things have simply ceased to annoy me.
I could talk about turf wars and whose underwear is whose wars and how many blankets do we each have on our bed wars, but these are things I dealt with before Cheeky arrived, so I can’t point to her arrival and say, “Oh, wow, suddenly we’re having trouble.”
I could write about how adding one child feels like adding five for the first few months, or how the dirty laundry has increased exponentially, or how washing dishes has become an all day job, or how school work is taking triple the time because I’m teaching a seven-year-old to read English and Chinese. I could complain about lack of writing time, groan about the number of hours I spend driving kids back and forth to activities and talk about how I’m tired to the bone…..
But…my blog was designed to chronicle my journey with Cheeky, and that has been paved with rainbows and sunshine and all those sickeningly sweet things that you and I probably both abhor.
Just remember if you read my blog….I’m parenting some very, very strong-willed kids. Cheeky doesn’t happen to be one of them. Comparatively, mothering her is a piece of cake.
For now.
Only time will tell if that’s going to change.
Oh please don’t stop being candid! There should be more blogs like yours in adoption blogland. So many of them are unrealistic…all ladybugs and red threads. Then when it isn’t all wonderful, you end up feeling like total crap. I am convinced that how you are feeling is the norm, not the other way around. Not enough people are brave (like you) to admit it.
Today I read a post by a friend who is celebrating 14 years since their daughter joined their family. The post was about how this child is always happy, always a joy. I’ve met this child – soooo far from the truth!
Maybe people post how they dream each day will be? Maybe there is a lot of wine involved?
I love that you are so honest and open on your blog. I have identified with so many of your frustrated posts and felt relieved that I was not the only one. But I mainly put pictures on my blog so my out of town family can see how she is growing. My frustration, tears, doubts and shame at my mistakes are shared on other sites or on the phone with friends. I am grateful for you being able and willing to share what you have, publicly. Adoption is not easy or simple and I hope my blog has not portrayed it that way. I love my daughter but we have a long road ahead of us until our family of five is completely comfortable with each other.
We started following your blog when you were in quarantine in China and we were waiting for travel approvl. ..My husband and daughter #2 have been home for 6.5 weeks now and we continue to follow your blog because you are honest and really write about the good, the bad and the ugly. Raising children, whether they are biological or adopted is not easy and so many of the adoptive families are so “over the moon” about their chilren they often don’t want to let the world know that they have issues…Thank you.
Hey! You already know how UN-rosy our most recent adoption is for me, but thanks to an I-Told-You-So mother, I cannot post anything about it on my blog like you can. I just come to your blog and put it in your comments!
I would definitely be considered a rainbow and sunshine adoption blogger. From the start,I wanted my blog to be humorous and make people laugh. I see myself as a modern day Erma Bombeck with an audience of about…8 readers… I tell the tantrum stories but hopefully with a funny twist. I don’t have a need to put the dirt out there. I have other outlets to deal with the ugly stuff. I wouldn’t want my child getting a hold of information that may emotionally be upsetting to him in the future. Or worrying about some insensitive mom saying something to their child about something negative I wrote on the blog about my child. I’ve seen that happen and it getting back to the adopted child.
We all have different writing styles and personal objectives. Your blog should be yours to tell how you want to tell it.
I am really struggling with this issue right now. There is so much I’d like to say on my blog and in other online & print venues (I’m a sometime-journalist myself), especially about the differences in adjustment periods that we’ve had for each of our (2 bio and one adopted) kids, but I don’t feel at liberty to do it because I fear it’s not right for my particular kids.
My policy is: I’m happy to discuss this stuff via email with anyone who wants to know, but I’ve so far resisted doing it anywhere near the public record. However, it’s a story that I really think should be told, just as yours is, so I’m looking for a way to tell it that won’t hurt anybody too deeply when they google themselves in 5 or 10 years, you know?
But I think you’re probably doing a good thing for a lot of people by being so candid.
guilty as charged, i kind of have a happy happy blog. i keep trying to write about the hard stuff but can’t get started – i’m too busy with the kid. it’s easy to write a happy post – or just put up pictures. but saying the tough stuff takes a lot of work to get it right – and i have so little time. maybe when i get back to work, i’ll have time to write a more meaningful post or two and join you in the not so happy happy blogworld. 🙂