Oh, pick your jaw up off the floor–that’s not me talking, it’s Wyatt. Wyatt, out of the blue, today in the car. (Well, not quite out of the blue–Heather’s house was out Rory’s window, and not his, and that was pretty much unforgivable).Â
I DON’T WANT RORY TO COME HERE FROM CHINA!
Did we pull the car over and have a special moment? Nope.Â
Me: Well, Rory belongs to us now. She will always live with us.
Rory: But Wyatt, you no wan’ me be sad, right? I be sad!
Wyatt: I HATE RORY!
Me: We wouldn’t send Rory to China any more than we’d send Sam or Lily. She’s your sister, and she’ll always belong here with us.
Wyatt: NO! I DON’T WANT HER TO BELONG HERE! SHE BELONGS IN CHINA! (if I could, say, double capitalize those last words, I would.)
Rory: But I be all ‘lone in China! You have come find me, Mommy.
Me: Yep, I’ll always come find you. You will always find me and I will always find you, and we will all be together always. You can’t go back to China. That would be silly.
Rory: Yes, that be silly! (She’s just remarkably calm with all this. Wyatt is hollering his head off, and she’s just…chatting.)
Sam, helpfully: Well, yes she could. She could go visit.
Me, hissing: Don’t confuse her.
And it went on a little longer, with more insistence on the always and forever nature of Rory on my part, more calm pointing out of all the excellent reasons she has to stay here on Rory’s part–she belongs here, and she would be so sad in China, and she doesn’t belong with Baba Mike– and a few more heartfelt wails by Wyatt–and then I noted that we’d been in the car for an awfully long time–over an hour—what with the driving to Sam’s ballet class 20 minutes away, the reading of the message on the door claiming the class had moved, the driving to the new location, the discovery that the class was actually cancelled, and the driving home–to a point exactly as far away from our house as from the ballet studio, in a perfect triangle of inconvenience–of the other member of the balled carpool–and I went on and on about it, about like I am now, until the subject was changed.
And then we went home, and Wyatt said “Rory, I don’t want you to get out of the car until I’m ready. I want you to wait for me.” And Rory said “Ok, Wyatt. I wait for you.”
And that was it.
It was worth it, to be honest, just to hear Rory’s response–but I think I’ll be setting aside some Wyatt time this weekend. I think it’s a mistake to think he doesn’t notice all the things that would be just for him if she weren’t here–afternoons with me, skating lessons, Lily’s attention, the package of two Starburst candies…all shared. Clearly we may just need a little less sharing.
Excellently handled! Made me smile reading it, because it’s just so natural for him to feel like that at times, and she so clearly loves him and is so willing to help him.
They sound such lovely little devils!
I also have a daughter the same age as my adopted daughter. About a year after the adoption, the Chinese daughter did something naughty (again) and I said something like “What am I going to do with her?” The other daughter answered, very calmly, “I think she really will have to go back to China this time.”
Alone time is important, and I didn’t realize how important until child #1 was in the car alone with me (rare) and said “Remember when I was an only child? I liked that.” She was such an easy child that I forgot to make her special some of the time.