Since no one can talk to Torry Hansen, currently in the running for worst parent ever, and I’m the author of I Did Not Love My Adopted ChildÂ Â (please note that a) I did not write the title and b) past tense! Past tense! I wanted to call it Adoption sucks. But that’s no reason not to do it.), a bunch of people wanted to talk to me, which is how I ended up on CNN tonight. Mostly it was in the context of “here’s someone who understands adopting an older child” and it was good. I talked a lot about how I wish every adoptive parent would talk more about how difficult those first months home can be, and how some of us–many of us–don’t fall immediately in love with our child. I said that if that were more generally understood–if every one regarded adoption as a process–it would be harder for Russia to over react, suspend U.S. adoptions and damn hundred or thousands of kids to more months in an institution–which could just make things worse. Generally speaking, I felt good.
But at least one host REALLY wanted me to say why, yes! I wanted to put Rory on an airplane! Abso-friggin-lutely! And no, sorry, I’m not that. I had a tough adjustment. She had the tough adjustment she was 100% entitled to. And honestly, I never thought anything of the sort. A magic redo button? I might have gone for that–but then I would have wanted to redo THAT. Once I was in, I was in. It was just HARD. So no, crazy host, I said I understood what it felt like to be that far out at the end of your rope. I said I wished we’d all talk more about those days. (And I think we do, more every day–but we have to talk about it SO MUCH that prospective and future parents listen–and when you’re all wrapped up in waiting and hoping, that’s not easy.)
I do love her now.