How do I know? Because three years ago, to the week, if not the day, it was Sam’s “Wild Mites Jamboree” which is a hockey thing, and right before we went to the rink, we lined them up on our bed and produced pictures.

They were beyond thrilled. We were happy. Our biggest problem was that we hadn’t printed enough pictures, because all three of them wanted to carry all the pictures around (and they did, too, until the day we left for China). I just went back and read about it from old blog entries–you can feel our excitement coming through the words.

Today was Lily’s “Wild Mites Jamboree” and Rory and Wyatt’s “Learn to Play Jamboree” and frankly, I sobbed all over the place thinking about how far we’ve come, and especially watching Rory and Wyatt dually dominating their small games.

I knew this, but Rory’s been reminding me lately that what was, at the time, all happy for us was not happy for her. That’s her story to tell, but suffice it to say that she’s told me a couple of times lately that she was “SO MAD.” Not so sad, but MAD. I’ve always agreed that in fact she should be mad, and it’s ok to be mad, and I would have been bad too.

Right after we told the other three, we were able to Skype with Rory and her foster family–another anniversary, although I’m not wholly sure it was the same day. Another anniversary that I remember fondly, and Rory, I’s sure, does not, and she shouldn’t. How does one handle this duality, the happy that comes from the really really sad? She doesn’t need to look back with pleasure at any of this, but I think it’s ok that I do.

In any case, it was a very emotional day here, and physically exhausting, and it ended, for Rory, in forty-five minutes worth of tears over something very small, and in a whole series of unusual behaviors and regressions and just general not-fun-ness. I’m left wondering if she picked up on my thinking back over our history, together and apart, or if, because it’s a real anniversary of sorts for her too–right about now is when we first came into her life, one way or another–if she’s just having some tough inner times of her own. I suspect the latter. I’m so, so glad that we’re both more equipped to weather these emotional storms together–finally. I hope that lasts.