I’d forgotten entirely that one of the frustrations of older babies is their sheer shackling power. Sam was a master shackler. He could not, would not play alone. If he could see me, he wanted arms, kisses, breasts. I could do nothing while he was awake and little while he was asleep due to his sheer unpredictability. They won’t watch TV (Oh, I know, bad and all that, but come ON…). They cannot be bribed, or sedated with snacks, and the truth is, there’s very little they CAN do without supervision anyway. Tiny babies will at least lie on you and nurse while you read or write. They get a little bigger, and those days are gone.
Lily has not been like that. Oh, I can’t really work with her around, but that’s mostly because she wants the computer keyboard. She’s happy to play on the floor, checking in occasionally.
But not today. Today she started throwing up again, and nothing would do but me. Monday was, of course, the same–and Monday and Wednesday are my babysitter days, my writing days, my working days. But you cannot heave a barfing baby at the babysitter and wish her luck (at least, I cannot, since I have no deadline this week and the guilt would sideline me).
So all day, it was Lily in my arms, Lily at my breast, Lily writhing and fussing and squirming and generally just not happy. Fair enough. At first, I was happy to get in some extra snuggling time. But this was day four of extra snuggling time, and I’m getting restless, resentful and cranky.
And when I’m cranky, someone has to pay. So I loaded Lily up and took her shopping, but new clothes didn’t cheer either of us up. And after I got her to bed, I ate a bag of Tings and nine organic Oreos, which completely failed to cheer me up either. And I did it out of spite. Damnit, I’m having another one, was my thought. I’m just going to buy this shirt, I don’t care how much it costs. I want it. I’m having it. That will show them.
Healthy, huh? Let me just add that I ate rather than writing, which is what I usually do at night. So, if anyone finds my nose, send it back to me and I’ll re-attach it to my thoroughly spited face.
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