Wild Emotional Fluctuations (on my part)

After we went to Cape Cod, I had this whole post in my head about how, when you were young, you always imagined you’d go on vacation and come back changed, and now I had–I’d come back fully accepting and loving Rory and happy with our family. And then the last day had its ups and downs, and I lost the feeling, and since then, it’s gone wildly back and forth. It’s scheduling time, and change time, and as much as I look forward to getting everyone into the routine (and having EVERYONE IN SCHOOL EVERY MORNING!), it’s also complicated. Who will drive who where when? Who will pick who up? Having two three-year-olds in carseats completely knocks you out of the carpool lane, and I’d sooner hang one of them off the hood of the car than put him or her into a booster–they’d be out of that seat so fast your head would spin. Nope, these are the kids the five-point-harness was made for.
One minute, we’ll all be having a good time, or Wyatt and Rory will be playing together, or Rory will be declaring “Sam love me!” and my heart will sing. The next, I’ll be thinking–if I’d left well enough alone, I’d have only Wyatt in the afternoon. We could ride my bike with him in the seat, run errands, drink coffee–he’s my little buddy! Now that time is always, absolutely, two-on-one, because it’s not like Rory has activities without Wy, or playdates without Wy. And I find myself resenting that. I miss my time with him! But I’ve also been reluctant to leave her alone with a babysitter, feeling that if we took all the other kids away, she might think she was being left. I think we could do it now, with one sitter in particular, but still–now I need to plan Wyatt time just like Sam and Lily time, and last year it just…happened. And if there’s Wyatt time, there should be Rory time, too! And I don’t always WANT Rory time. Rory’s with me every chance she gets…I’m having a hard time planning for it specially, even though I often enjoy her company. I think I’ll want to. I think what I’ll do is do alternating afternoons with her and Wy once a week when Heather’s there.
Anyway, the scheduling makes me very aware of how much has changed, and how on edge I still am about that change. But getting there.

4 Responses to “Wild Emotional Fluctuations (on my part)”

  1. JK says:

    I HATE schedule changes… I hate the start of school… Ugh. We were supposed to start last thursday, but little girls were sick. (All documented on the blog if you missed it.)


  2. you are not alone. my emotions and acceptance of our new family is like a crazy rollercoaster. i too don’t plan alone time with her because she is ALWAYS hanging out and i feel i get sooo much alone time anyway:)

    i know that i’ve gone through some almost post adoption depression…and alot of it has been due to grieving…i miss my ol’ family so much….but with TIME this will be my new family that i adore!

  3. ruth in NZ says:

    I think that it always takes time to follow through with the change that a new family member brings!
    It just becomes easier as our brain grows to encompass the change as opposed to the children who change however it will get busier as the children get older!
    Take care of your self and in 6 months time it will all be different again!
    Hugs Ruth in NZ

  4. Lisen says:

    PLAYDATES! I know it adds an extra less known entity to your day, but maybe once they get into the school groove, Wyatt will have a playdate or two with friends of his and Rory might get invited over to the home of a different friend???? I found this to be a convenient way to separate my Wyatt from Larkin sometimes while letting them both have something fun to do.