Rory is mortally wounded several dozen times a day. Rarely do ten minutes go by before the refrain begins: OUCHIE! OUCHIE! I know, I know that this is more of exactly what I blogged about two days ago. I know this is Rory, who just wants as much of me as she can get, and a true wound is an excellent way to get my full attention. But oh, it is getting old. And hard on Wyatt, giver of all wounds and injuries. “WALLET HIT ME! WALLET HURT ME!”
I blogged a while ago that I’d decided to always believe her and oh man, did it backfire. I often don’t see, and I’ve been erring on the side of believing her, but getting suspicious. Here’s what happens (I’ve been sneakily watching them around doorways): she puts herself in Wyatt’s way. If he is spinning, she is right there where he will whack her. If he IS kicking her–the annoying poking kind, which still isn’t ok–she’ll position herself even closer and start to yell. This morning I watched as he gave up a chair she wanted to her (rare) and then, when she didn’t take it right away (because she was on the floor, hoping that I would respond with massive sympathy to the fact that Wyatt took her chair), left, then came back with the clear intent of sitting down. She got up then, ran for the chair, ran into him (not hard) and flung herself to the ground. “WALLET HIT ME! HE HURT ME! HE HIT MY EYE!”
Well, no, YOU hurt you (and not much, either).
I know this isn’t some massive conscious plot on her part. I know she doesn’t actually think, well, I’ll just lay here and scream until Mommy comes over and does the whole, oh, poor baby bit. I do. But it’s a real problem, and one I’m struggling with for a lot of reasons. For one thing, we do this, oh, four or five times an hour when we’re home. Seriously.
For another, again as I’ve said before, she has no speed in between OH MY GOD I’VE SAWED MY ARM OFF AND I AM BLEEDING BUCKETS and WYATT’S FINGER BRUSHED ME IN PASSING AND THEN HE GIGGLED. She is the boy who cried wolf, and I never ever believe her anymore–which Wyatt then takes advantage of, because it’s not like he never hits her, he does. (She hits him, too.) Plus, she doesn’t get anything when she really needs it. I really, truly can’t tell the difference between actual hurt and the kind that, if she realizes I’m in the shower, will go away in a heartbeat. She’s that good.
So she loses, I lose, and Wyatt loses–no one is coming out well in this little game. And I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried pouring on the sympathy, on the theory that in some sense she’s always hurt–meaning that she always needs me. But sympathy isn’t enough; it has to involve punishing Wyatt too, and it has to be big, and long, and drawn out–which doesn’t work three minutes before we have to leave for school. Plus, to be honest, I HATE THIS. I don’t have a lot of sympathy for whiners, especially when they’re requiring “fairness”, and I know she’s physically as tough as nails. I’ve seen her fall four feet onto a concrete step, get up, brush it off and smile–if she’s desperate to get back to the playground, and if there’s no possible argument that someone else did it. (You should see her when she thinks I did it–as in, I leaned over her and the string from my hoodie hit her in the face, as it did yesterday. The outrage. The confusion. How to both get Mommy to punish herself and give Rory big time hugs and snugs and poor babies?)
And yet I know that the universe has scarcely been fair to Rory. I don’t exactly blame her for trying to get some justice now. Well, I do blame her, but I get it.
Let’s just say I cannot WAIT for this phase to end.
Our newly adopted son is turning 3 in a few weeks. We call him “the boy who signed water”. Anytime he is upset about something (ANYTHING!) he makes the sign for water. It is NEVER about water. If you give him water, it then becomes that he needs to go to the bathroom. If you take him there, it is actually that he wants his shoes off (or on).
I know that this is just because he doesn’t yet have the communication skills to tell us what is wrong. I know that and I’m sympathetic to it. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t make me COMPLETELY CRAZY.
I say all that just to tell you that I really understand. Even when you know where they are coming from and you respect it and you are doing the right thing, it certainly doesn’t mean it can’t make you want to crawl out of your skin….multiple times per day.
I hope that phase is over for her soon too!
too funny because i NEVER believer yan yao! lol she is famous for tripping over someone’s foot and then saying they kicked her…lol
wow…yan yao doesn’t do much of that anymore. she will scream like a banshee for the littlest infraction and i react with the littlest reaction. so there is not point in her doing it:) her brother treats her INCREDIBLE. those 2 are bosom buddies. so there are times he does hit her, but she usually instigates it. i dont’ condone violence here but usually the hit are not innocent:)
i’m anxious to see if it changes when they start preschool this fall. she is with me 24/7 now. no breaks except for church:)
You can do what I do and ignore them all! 🙂
Seriously though, I cannot even tell you how many times an hour I say, “You’re fine” or “Then don’t play together” or “If she keeps hurting you, go play somewhere without her.”
Chloe is like Rory in that the slightest brush of a finger tip at the wrong moment can send her off into “She hurt me LOT!” but truly daring tough girl feats gone wrong don’t get much more than an “ouch” on the run.
I am pretty sure the phase WILL end. Just not sure if it’ll be soon enough.
How about overreacting? If Wyatt steps on her foot, it must be broken and therefore needs to be in an ace bandage and therefore she can’t play or run or ski. If he bothers her, they shouldn’t be in the same room so she needs to leave and he might get to do something fun like spin in circles or sit on a chair.
I have one who is always trying out for the role of Camille. We give her no attention but there are often 30 bandaids on a scratch and she limps a lot. This fall she really did bruise her finger, and was in heaven when she went to the doctor and got a splint, then to the hospital for xrays, and got to wear the splint to school for about a week. After about a week it got old, she missed playing violin and flute, and a miracle occurred and she was instantly cured.