Tonight Rory wanted some pineapple in her lunch for tomorrow, which requires that I cut a little off for her. Which I did, and put it in the little box she’d selected, and put the lid on, and presented it to her.
“I just gon’ LOOK,” she said, and opened it up.
I don’t know why this bothers me, but it does. It bothers me, I’m sorry to say, a lot. And I know I’ve blogged about it before-but I am NOT LYING!
There are no more cookies.
I do not have any gummy bears.
There is only a little rice left, and I am saving it for Daddy.
She’s got, now, that it annoys me, but she still really wants to do it. So she comes up with other stuff. I just like lookin’ at it, she’ll say. I just wan’ smell the (empty) bowl.
So I guess it really matters to her. Somehow, somewhere down the line, she got the idea that adults would hide food from her. I don’t think she ever went hungry by any means, but maybe she never got quite as many second servings of the good stuff as she wanted, either. And I’ve been able, mostly, to let it go. And find the little machinations to get around the need to see for herself funny. And you now what? I think she likes that I find it funny.
We’ve obviously come a long way, Rory and I. I think she knows it as well as I do on some level. And her favorite thing to do at the moment–and this is so perceptive of her, because if we HADN’T come so far, if we hadn’t finally clicked into full-on mother-child mode, it would never workâ€”her favorite thing to do is to try to annoy me just ENOUGH.
To come just close ENOUGH to something I said not to touchâ€”but smiling, and watching me, so that she knows that I know that she’s not going to do it. To announce just loudly ENOUGH that she’s going to, I don’t know, stand on the sofa or put her fork in her milk and then shriek, really quickly, “but I just kidding!” To remember all those buttons that she once pushed so proudly and come just close ENOUGH to pushing them to be reminded again that even if she pushed away, I would still love her.
And sometimesâ€”often, evenâ€”it’s really funny. And sometimes, to be honest, it’s really annoying. And then I just tell her. That’s enough, Rory.
And then she bounces off. Thank God we adopted the world’s most resilient kid.