Babble’s editors (who were, when I was one of their bloggers, my editors) just started a fresh new Twitter hashtag: #neverinamillionyears. As in, as a parent, never in a million years would I:
- put a 6-year-old in a bikin (my contribution)
- put a TV in their room (@mychildPsych)
- post bathtime pics of my kids on social media (good one, @perpetuallykate)
- become THAT parent at a kids’ sporting event (ooh, yeah, @OWTK)
- punish my child by public embarrassment (oops, @mymomfriday, think I’ve done that)
and then there are lots of predictables–I will never turn my back on my child! I will never stop loving her, expect her to be what she’s not, mwah mwah… and then there’s the bizarrely worried @kidManiablog, which will never go to sleep without worrying and will never not assume the worst will happen. Sucks to be them, apparently.
And plenty of people say, rightly, that they’ll never say never.
Which made me think about the things I once said I’d never do. Like
- bribe a kid with food
- yell at a child in public
- make a kid cry
- designate the car seat as the only possible naptime locale
- enjoy Disneyworld
- snatch candy from a child and eat it
- say “eat your lollipop! Now!”
I’ve done all those things, and plenty more that I just didn’t think I’d need to do, like cooking Macaroni and Cheese three days in a row, or dressing them in matching shirts (see below), or letting a child leave the house with a lunch that consists of nothing but potato chips and a single slice of apple. And things I just didn’t know I could do, like letting them run wild in the woods alone. And things I never really thought of, like painting my son’s toenails or saying things like “don’t lick your sister.” Who knew?
But still, I maintain that there are some safe nevers. I’ll never buy a child under ten his or her own phone (I think that goes older, but I don’t have older kids–and I never say never about what I’ll do when they ARE older!). That bikini thing? So not happening. They won’t be sporting the word “Juicy” across their butts, either. Or anything else.
I’ll neverÂ rudeness go by without comment.
I’ll never let them play a videogame at dinner.
I’ll never let them wear a tshirt that says “my favorite thing about school is recess.”
And ok, yeah, I’ll never stop loving them.