KJ

Rory is #10, black helmet, black ponytail. Wyatt is white helmet, #19 (both in yellow tied-on pinneys). The video was created by the proud dad of #14 in red. They played hockey for 2 straight hours Sunday in a wild end-of-season “jamboree.” And now they are mad that it’s over.

Monster Cake! Originally uploaded by kjda KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone — KJ Dell’Antonia

Rory has lived with us for 21 months now, and I still feel like I don’t know her. I love her, and I’m charmed by her, and I want to scoop her up and give her raspberries, but I don’t know her. I’m not sure she knows herself. I can predict what she’ll do on lots of occasions. If Wyatt pushes her accidentally, she will explode into tears and hollers and shrieks. If Wyatt whacks her over the head with […]

Sometimes life is not fair, and one of those times is at 7:45 when your big sister has just been allowed to take a shower. Wyatt and Rory want to take showers too! Nope. Sorry. Just only Lily. (That’s a Rory-ism in common use around here.) A tub? Nope. BUUUT WHHHYYYYYYY???? Because in fifteen minutes it will be time to brush teeth, and because no. Just no. Not going to happen tonight. Apparently I said that in just exactly the […]

I have managed, largely, to keep my goal of being softer with the kids going. This morning I found that verily, a soft answer doth turneth away the wrath even of a Lily who doesn’t like breakfast, couldn’t find the clothes she wanted and is generally grumpy (go find yourself something else for breakfast, fine, pretzels, pack it up carefully and bring it in the car). But oh, it has been a long afternoon. For starters, back in October I […]

It was one of those afternoons. Babysitter’s car got stuck in the driveway, had to threaten to send Sam’s friend home if they didn’t do their homework as promised, forgot to make the pizza dough for dinner (but silver lining: check out this no-rise pizza dough recipe link to follow). Make-your own pizzas for five in a freshly cleaned kitchen…dumb idea. I was edgy. (http://amysfinerthings.com/no-rise-pizza-crust) More than that, it had been a natter, natter natter afternoon. Take that in the […]

I’m grumpy. I have no good reason to be grumpy, exactly. I just spent three nights–THREE–with just Sam at a hockey tournament, where I cooked nothing, cleaned little (our room was knee hockey headquarters for a while, so some cleaning was necessary) and put up with very little in the way of whining or complaint. (They lost. Lots. But we expected to, it was in MA and while we here in Hanover take our hockey way too seriously, we look […]

Two weeks. They say it takes thirty days to make a habit, but I’m just going to shoot for two weeks. Two weeks of soft. Two weeks of not reacting, of giving, of opening. Two weeks. (I might really be trying to actually change, but shhh…don’t tell me!) For two weeks I will try to give all the kids the me they need when they need me, instead of demanding and battling or just rigidly resisting. It’s obvious that’s going […]

This morning before school some incident occurred upstairs, and a wailing sobbing Rory came down. “Wyatt pushed me in the belly,” was the complaint, and I tried to offer the best sincere sympathy I’m capable of before coffee, but didn’t meet the second part of any such issue: addressing the culprit and demanding that he not do whatever it was again. And I didn’t hug for very long. Morning isn’t my best time. Sympathy isn’t my best thing. Rob clearly […]

Why Does It Always Have to be Snakes? Originally uploaded by kjda Today’s referendum on my love took place in the bathroom. I have to go. Fine, let’s go. Will you come in with me? It’s really tiny in there. I don’t fit. Look, you can see my boots. My boots are in with you. But I want you to hold my coat. Ok. I like your hat, Mommy! Does your hat fit you? Yes, yes it does. I got […]

I’ve been storing up examples of Rory’s need for control, in part to prove to myself that I’m not imagining things, and to gain, of course, additional verification that she is trying to drive me crazy: In a restaurant, I ordered her chicken fingers, and she pitched a fit. “I not want you do that! What they got?” Um, chicken fried steak, meatloaf, smoked chicken and chicken fingers. That’s it. That’s the kind of restaurant it is (and one, I […]

There’s no question in my mind when it comes to what my kids fight about. Mostly, they fight about me. Occasionally, they fight about one another (as in, two siblings fighting for the attention of another sibling). Once in a while, they fight about candy. But mostly, they fight about us, and even more specifically, they fight about me. Even more clearly since the advent of Rory, in our house, it’s all, all, all about who’s got Mommy’s love/attention right […]

What does it say about me that up until now, for every trip, I have made myself insane completing every last detail of every bit of the packing? As in, I charge their Nintendos. I pack their carry-ons. I make sure each kid has just the right workbook or crayons, or every member of the mini SuperWhy team. I put carefully distributed snacks in them. I pack their clothes, matched, clean, suitable. Etc. I micro-manage the whole process, and it […]

Farewell, Great Wolf Lodge Originally uploaded by kjda KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone — KJ Dell’Antonia www.kjdellantonia.com

Pure joy. Originally uploaded by kjda KJ Dell’Antonia

We are (as you can see below) at a big, giant indoor water park/hotel. It’s “AWESOME,” and “the best valentine’s day ever” and “so COOL.” All of those things are true (it’s also, we’re just now noticing, right under the airport flight path, but that’s not going to bother me any. I’m a good sleeper, I am! It’s not crowded (while we in the East take two winter breaks to save on heating costs, in the South and West, they […]

Hello from Great Wolf Lodge Originally uploaded by kjda KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone

Lily’s valentine’s are so weirdly charming that I wish I’d taken a picture of each individual one. There’s a pillow she sewed. A spider made from an egg carton and a pipe cleaner ring. A gnome we made at Christmas. A small batch of fake flowers wrapped in felt. I guess when there are only eight kids in your class, you can go all out, and throw in a piece of our soon-to-be-famous fudge, too. I have no idea what […]

If you haven’t made Valentines yet, or have rashly promised treats for a classroom party, might I recommend these? It’s a Family Fun recipe and couldn’t possibly be easier. Sam and Wyatt made their own, with just a little help from me spreading it in the pan and cutting it. The results caused the kids to jump around the room shrieking “It’s so good! It’s so good!” and then “I love you! I love you!” So I guess, from a […]

A little office cleaning, as I’ve said before, is clearly in order: It is more than a little hard to type on this laptop. New plan: Step one: clear everything off the desk! Step two: Enjoy new work surface. Step three: Don’t turn around. New Office Cleaning Technique

Thanks to everyone with thoughts on Sam’s homework situation last week. I did not make him quit an activity. One things has two practices, and the idea is that he cannot go to the second practice unless any longer term homework projects–as in, the ones that are assigned Monday and due Friday–are complete. Meanwhile, another literature assignment came home Friday, due Weds. And on Saturday I said, are you going to do it? And he said, I’ll do the reading. […]

How much is too much homework in fourth grade? I don’t know. Maybe any homework is too much. But it does seem to me that school is the place to work in groups and receive instruction, but reading and actual writing and math drilling, and studying to take in the things you learned–those are things you really have to do at home. I’ve come around to homework. It’s fine. What’s not fine is how long it takes Sam to DO […]

Proof positive that I am still WAY to attached to my way of doing things: both Lily and Rory like to keep their coats in in the house and in restaurants (but not, of course, at the grocery store). And it bugs me. It is not really a big deal. It is not really ANY deal. Generally, they hang them up when they do take them off, or when asked. Yes, they get food on them, but since they also […]

I seem to remember someone in some book or another making fun of the way, in musicals, suddenly everyone bursts out singing. This is not, of course, the way of the real world, particularly if you live, as I do, in a pretty deep swamp of cynicism accompanied by a healthy dose of irony. I mean, I might burst out singing, but it would be meta-singing, in which I totally understood how goofy it was to burst out singing. My […]

I’m new to the Sunday snapshot game. photo.JPG Originally uploaded by kjda KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone But I thought anyone who’s been following along might wonder what ever happened to our BIG gingerbread mansion. After weeks and weeks of “we we gon’ eat that? When? I wan’ eat that candy but I CAN’T!” eventually, they could. I wouldn’t have, but they did. Although not, I think, nearly as much as they thought they would.

We had school conferences tonight. Or rather, Rob had school conferences, since he unilaterally changed Rory and Wy’s conferences to a time I couldn’t make, and then, because they filled, couldn’t change them back–but then, he couldn’t make the time I’d chosen, so who am I to talk? In any case, Rob, armed with my questions, went. My questions boiled down to: “is Wyatt interested enough?” And “is Rory managing to learn anything?” My perception being that Wyatt, who does […]

It was Sam, my big guy’s, turn to have a rough day. It was a teacher in-service day for Sam and Lily, and Lily fulfilled a long-overdue wish to go to school with Rory and Wyatt. I don’t think she had as much fun as she expected to, but that’s another story. Sam and I planned to go ski Killington with friends. The weather was less than super, but a morning skiing was doable (half-price day for locals, too!). But […]

When we set out to adopt, we initially thought of a baby. Not an infant–our thought was that there were many, many parents out there who wanted, even needed a baby. A baby, we figured, didn’t need us. Plus, we’d had babies: three of them. We didn’t need the neediness, the sleepless nights, the crying, the helplessness. Didn’t want it. Anyone who’s already been through this is already laughing We thought we would adopt an older baby , a toddler […]

This is Rory’s favorite phrase. Rory, come play with me? Not quite yet! Rory, empty your lunchbox. Not quite yet! Rory, time to go. Not quite yet! Even for good things, it’s not quite yet, not quite yet. I finally tracked down the origin yesterday morning when she asked my husband if she could feed the dogs, and he said: Not quite yet. Not surprisingly, this turned out to mean when I’m ready and possibly never, which is certainly how […]

Somehow, through a series of events that’s a little hard to explain, I ended up running the administrative part of one of our local ski programs. Well, co- running it. On the one hand, certainly I am better off running it than I am at teaching kids to ski–I don’t mind coaching them at Nordic skiing, but I refuse to ride a ski lift with any child I’m not related to–but primarily, I’m deeply aware of what a huge mistake […]

I’m a newly converted disciple of one Vicki Hoefle, parenting guru, who created the Parenting on Track program. My neighbor (flockmother) loaned it to me, and I quickly sprang for our own copies–which I am already loaning out. It’s a program that’s more about what YOU do than what your kids do–no starcharts or reward boxes, both of which have failed us–and one of the basic tenets is the idea of what Vicki calls “privileges and responsibilities.” Carrots and sticks […]

Just in case you don’t remember what my office looks like, let me post a small refresher photo: It’s probably worse now. I’ve added a small collection of office-related Christmas gifts, a couple of children’s book publishers catalogs, Rosetta Stone: French and a jar of peanut butter. And an unused pull-up—pretty sure that wasn’t here before—and assorted additional bits of paper. I have lots of assorted bits of paper. And an empty cookie box and a box of gallon-sized zip […]

Monday am, and I’ve dropped the bigs off at their school and am delivering the littles to theirs. I’ve forgotten the half boosters, so I’m hauling the full doozies out to leave in the entry for their babysitter, who also teaches at the school. There’s a niggling voice in the back of my head. It’s been there for a couple of days, actually. I pin it down. “Why,” it’s asking, “would said babysitter send me a note that says ‘see […]

Game-Changing Originally uploaded by kjda Hit the popular local diner this am. There were actually tables, but the kids wanted to sit at the counter. (the line formed quickly after we sat down–we were up early.) Me, all four. Counter. This is something that would not have been possible few months ago. And it went fine.

Thank You Santa Originally uploaded by kjda All their own idea. Once in a while (if Sam is around) they’re just sweet. KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone —

Showed up at pick up today–on time, swear– to find Lily in tears and Sam worrying. “I SAID you told us not to ride the bus,” he declared, but they wanted us to ride it anyway! I TOLD them you always forget to call…” Whoops. In my defense, my day was so packed and one thing after another that I didn’t even drink COFFEE until after noon and I never did get that shower. Working up to that now. But […]

Lily and I Get Crafty Originally uploaded by kjda In a continuation of the preceding post, this is also the kind of thing that is now possible, on this side of the mountain of the past, oh, nine years. I like this kind of project. Quick and chick. Start, over done, contemplate achievement. I like Gingerbread houses. I like frosted cookies. I like Halloween costumes and cardboard box houses. I will never, ever sew you a dress–too precise. Too time […]

I have a guest post on Motherlode this weekend. I love the essay before mine, too. What she said.

Ski Day Originally uploaded by kjda Enough cannot be said about how out of the woods we are with adoption and toddler-hood, etc. Wyatt is the youngest, at four, and he can: put his own ski gear on, get up when he falls, ride the jbar, get on a slowed down chair lift, and carry his boots and skis, thanks to the magnificent thing that is the boot/helmet backpack. Now, if you don’t ski, this all sounds just crazy. But […]