KJ

I’m a newly converted disciple of one Vicki Hoefle, parenting guru, who created the Parenting on Track program. My neighbor (flockmother) loaned it to me, and I quickly sprang for our own copies–which I am already loaning out. It’s a program that’s more about what YOU do than what your kids do–no starcharts or reward boxes, both of which have failed us–and one of the basic tenets is the idea of what Vicki calls “privileges and responsibilities.” Carrots and sticks […]

Just in case you don’t remember what my office looks like, let me post a small refresher photo: It’s probably worse now. I’ve added a small collection of office-related Christmas gifts, a couple of children’s book publishers catalogs, Rosetta Stone: French and a jar of peanut butter. And an unused pull-up—pretty sure that wasn’t here before—and assorted additional bits of paper. I have lots of assorted bits of paper. And an empty cookie box and a box of gallon-sized zip […]

Monday am, and I’ve dropped the bigs off at their school and am delivering the littles to theirs. I’ve forgotten the half boosters, so I’m hauling the full doozies out to leave in the entry for their babysitter, who also teaches at the school. There’s a niggling voice in the back of my head. It’s been there for a couple of days, actually. I pin it down. “Why,” it’s asking, “would said babysitter send me a note that says ‘see […]

Game-Changing Originally uploaded by kjda Hit the popular local diner this am. There were actually tables, but the kids wanted to sit at the counter. (the line formed quickly after we sat down–we were up early.) Me, all four. Counter. This is something that would not have been possible few months ago. And it went fine.

Thank You Santa Originally uploaded by kjda All their own idea. Once in a while (if Sam is around) they’re just sweet. KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone —

Showed up at pick up today–on time, swear– to find Lily in tears and Sam worrying. “I SAID you told us not to ride the bus,” he declared, but they wanted us to ride it anyway! I TOLD them you always forget to call…” Whoops. In my defense, my day was so packed and one thing after another that I didn’t even drink COFFEE until after noon and I never did get that shower. Working up to that now. But […]

Lily and I Get Crafty Originally uploaded by kjda In a continuation of the preceding post, this is also the kind of thing that is now possible, on this side of the mountain of the past, oh, nine years. I like this kind of project. Quick and chick. Start, over done, contemplate achievement. I like Gingerbread houses. I like frosted cookies. I like Halloween costumes and cardboard box houses. I will never, ever sew you a dress–too precise. Too time […]

I have a guest post on Motherlode this weekend. I love the essay before mine, too. What she said.

Ski Day Originally uploaded by kjda Enough cannot be said about how out of the woods we are with adoption and toddler-hood, etc. Wyatt is the youngest, at four, and he can: put his own ski gear on, get up when he falls, ride the jbar, get on a slowed down chair lift, and carry his boots and skis, thanks to the magnificent thing that is the boot/helmet backpack. Now, if you don’t ski, this all sounds just crazy. But […]

A friend, neighbor and fellow blogger is a big devotee of Parenting On Track, and last week I persuaded her to loan me her cds for in-car listening. She has three kind, thoughtful and independent girls (at least they look that way to me) and I know she’s followed the program to the letter. I’ve known other people who’ve gone to seminars and raved about them, and I’ve felt in need of some guidance lately. I lose my temper too […]

Happy Hanukah! Originally uploaded by kjda KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone —

Finally the Aquatic Center Is Fun Originally uploaded by kjda Because I dont have to go in! KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone —

I have the New Year’s organizing bug, early. I can’t tell if I just want to get things in order (yes) or if I’m procrastinating a work assignment I’m having trouble with (yes). I guess it’s both. The basement is borderline organized, all kinds of things are planned out (including some holiday surprises that can’t be revealed here). My computer files are sorted. Backups are being arranged. It’s like it’s New Year’s Resolution season. I just want to GET STUFF […]

Thanks everyone! I appreciate the comments a lot. I was hoping for help! We do, we just have a bunch of things that don’t add up. Auditory processing sounds very worth researching. She literally does not process much of our speech beyond the first words or commands. Does the expected thing in any situation (brushes her teeth and puts on pjs when told, near bedtime, to go up and get a towel and her pajamas and come back down for […]

Still a work in Progress Originally uploaded by kjda But looking pretty impressive, and with a characteristic touch from everyone. KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone

Dressing the Part Originally uploaded by kjda Some of us like to dress for the season while we decorate our snowy gingerbread house. Then we go sled on the faintly frozen grass. Like it’s not going to be cold enough soon already! KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone

Intently working Originally uploaded by kjda KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone

Coming soon: one gingerbread house Originally uploaded by kjda KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone

I have to admit I am a little worried about Rory’s language. She isn’t exactly a non-native English speaker. Her foster parents spoke English, and so did she, although it was about on the level of a two year old (we adopted her at almost four). But the nannies and other staff spoke Chinese or dialects, and I imagine the children did a lot of physical communication, since they would have had varying speech abilities. Rory is still behind, and […]

Lily’s bread and Lily’s luck Originally uploaded by kjda Last night Lily made the rolls for today’s dinner. I helped; in fact, I made her follow a recipe and was so anal about the whole thing that when it didn’t raise as much as I expected we made another batch. In between Lily asked to play with the flour and water and such, and made something she said was bread dough. We had yeast left over from the rolls, so […]

I am frittering. Oh, and doing laundry, sure, but frittering just the same. I fritter away a mean day, I do. I have Actually done the tutorial for a new piece of software I’m trying out (Scrivener). Found a rawhide for the dog. Done the email thing. More email. Did I mention laundry? I don’t know. I’ve been “working” for five hours, though. 5 hours and 25 minutes, actually. That’s embarrassing. I mean, even with the laundry. Seriously? Frittered away […]

Proof Positive We Live in Paradise Originally uploaded by kjda KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone — KJ Dell’Antonia www.kjdellantonia.com 917-647-6600 Contributing Editor, Kiwi Magazine Read me on Slate’s XXFactor blog www.slate.com/blogs/blogs/xxfactor Twitter.com/kjda

We adopted out of birth order. This is a sin against the standard advice regarding adoption, I know, and one we committed utterly blithely. But he’s a baby, we said of the baby. He’ll always be the baby, and so birth order will be preserved! Of course, our youngest was three—no baby—when we adopted his also 3-year-old sister, 6 months older than he. When she turned four he felt betrayed. Not good. But that passed. He’s the baby now, demands […]

The playmobil and the puzzles are back. One can take things off the shelves in the playroom and return them. There is some suggestion that there might be a place for everything and that everything might go into its place. And I am frozen. Inertia, whatnot, and I haven’t cleaned a thing today. Blech.

and I’m not afraid to use it. We are drowning in stuff here, climbing over it in the basement, shoving it into cabinets, packing it into boxes…years of hoarding hand-me-downs and “maybe we will use that someday” have left us with a house that almost cannot be cleaned–all we ever seem to do is move stacks from one spot to another. We’re REALLY trying to change that. Oh, it’s not all environmentally incorrect. Old tech gear goes to Best Buy […]

Don’t Let KJ Draw the Pigeonbrought to you by Livescribe To really enjoy this, go to “full screen” and, at the bottom of the screen as it starts, click the bottom wavy line which will “hide preview.” That lets the drawing appear from nothing. You can then go back to the blog (icon in top right corner) any time and it will stay that way.

We do Halloween big here. BIG. So big that I have yet to finish clearing up, so big that I have yet to recover. Not big in the yard full of lights and inflatable vampires big, but still big. It encompasses Friday in prep, Saturday in party and Sunday in, of course, Halloween itself. I am still recovering. In the course of it we failed to help Lily do any schoolwork. She aced her spelling test and all five bonus […]

From Lily Originally uploaded by kjda I have been walking by this for a Week and just realized what it said. KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone —

Of course, tonight I ended up making lunches… I have a neighbor, and fellow blogger ( I LOVE reading blogs of people I actually know) who does “Parenting on Track.” I haven’t read up on it, so I only know about the program through her and others’ stories, but I always want to argue with the absolutes that the systems seem to impose. For example, I’m pretty sure you can never, ever pack your kid’s lunch for him or her. […]

Circumstances tonight were grim. Rob was unexpectedly called out of town. He’ll be gone all week. My one and only volunteering effort had a major requirement tonight. I’m still sick. Halloween, with its accompanying glories, is but a week away, and there remains a huge party to be planned and costumes to be created… Last minute help arrived in the form of one of my best friend’s daughters, tenth grade and prime for babysitting, and, because it was us (and […]

I am sick, sick with a sinus infection. This means I can be upright and go about my daily business, of course, without expecting or needing much additional consideration from anyone–after all, it’s only a sinus infection! And I’m on antibiotics! So really, I should be able to cook dinner, and carve pumpkins, and everything else, just right on schedule. And I have. But oh, I am miserable…my ears haven’t popped, except for an occasional brief interval driving up our […]

Sometimes it seems like I learn all my parenting lessons from kids in the back seat. This morning, after we dropped off Sam and Lily, I heard Rory determinedly repeating to Wyatt in the back seat what sounded like “FPLIDT, Wyatt, FPLIDT!” “What?” Wyatt was asking. “What do you want me to do?” “FPLIDT!” “Spit? Hit?” This went on for some minutes, and I thought I heard Rory getting frustrated. She has a small speech difficulty, and any double consonants […]

I am taking a break, a breather, un petit vacances. From everything, lucky me. Well, everything except my head cold. No escape from that. Rob and I are with friends, having some adult time, and the kids are with grandma, having some time with someone who doesn’t say no to things lime making ink to try to write with a feather quill. I think this is good for us all.

Country living is batting 1 for three today. On the one hand, the kids spent yesterday’s rainy afternoon, romping, looking for frogs, walking in the puddles on the dirt road from a neighbor’s house. On the other, we have three floods in the basement (unfinished and full of crap, but still) and the bottom of our driveway washed out–it’s still passable, but not by much. The rain seems to have passed, the clouds are hanging a little more lightly over […]

One is better than two Originally uploaded by kjda The cookie in front is an orange kiss. The one Rory is eating is chocolate chip. The choice was two small kisses or one big chocolate chip. Wyatt loves the kisses. In fact, they are why we are here. Rory chose two kisses over one chocolate chip. She didn’t like the kisses. I knew she wouldn’t, but it wasn’t worth arguing. Lily does, so I saved them for her and went […]

Lily is upset about noodles. This is an understatement, the equivalent of saying that John McEnroe used to get upset at umpires’ calls at Wimbledon. 6-year-old Lily is upset about noodles. I put cold noodles in her lunch, not the hot ones she wanted, and as she picked her lunch up off the counter, the lack of a thermos tipped her off that this (like several other things this morning) has not gone according to plan. She is tired. She […]

In introducing a guest post I wrote for the NYT’s Motherlode blog, , Lisa Belkin quoted a friend of hers, an adoptive parent, as saying “I have faced the fact that my daughter is only mine because I have more money than her birth mother.” Lisa notes that her friend considers that a simple reality of adoption, but one that is rarely spoken aloud. My guest post was about another reality of adoption–adopting the child who already has a family, […]

Rory had a (mostly) glorious day, and we also had our first “adoption moment.” For Rory, it was special snack at school with a mommy visit (Rainbow meringues and rainbow fruit cups, an inspiration, because a) Rory doesn’t really like cupcakes and b) the school expressed some anti-cupcake thoughts, proposing “healthy cupcakes” or maybe “special cheese and crackers.” Neither of those would have worked for Rory, who has had rainbows on her mind ever since Wyatt’s birthday last March, when […]