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Connecting the Dots

I Just Wanted to Give You a Crocodile

By KJ / Sunday, June 5, 2011

I’m not sure what inspired this. Lily loves to create art, and I think she may long for more of an audience for her work. And I’m not sure what teacher could resist it.

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I Just Took All the Car Seats Out of My Car and Quit Piano Lessons

By KJ / Friday, June 3, 2011

I’m not sure what pushed me over the edge. I was on it anyway. A wonderful friend accidentally pushed all my “terrible parent” buttons when I tried to explain why I’ll never take all 4 kids to NYC. “I just wanted to share the place I love with them,” she declared, and I realized: that’s the last thing I want to do. I want to keep the place I love, and have all of my professional interactions, and get work […]

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The Real Reason My Kids Will Learn to Be Responsible

By KJ / Wednesday, June 1, 2011

The Real Reason My Kids Will Learn to Be Responsible Originally uploaded by kjda This is Rory wearing Lily’s shorts for soccer. Rory is wearing Lily’s shorts for soccer because although I noticed this morning that she was wearing long pants, I promptly forgot, and although I brought everyone’s shirts and shin guards and cleats, I forgot to bring her shorts, and I also forgot all three soccer balls. In theory, they should pack for soccer themselves. But I have […]

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I Get My Best Stuff Done When I’m Driving

By KJ / Tuesday, May 31, 2011

When I’m driving—which is to say, when I’m stuck in the car, cruising along and unable to do anything other than contemplate the meaning of Sam’s favorite song (“Fireflies,” a song that gives “MacArthur Park” a run for its money in terms of its general air of having a much deeper meaning than anything that’s actually said ) if he has control of the iPod, or belt out a few of my own favorites (I favor “If You’re Gonna Play […]

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Iced Coffee: The Life-Giving Specialty of the House

By KJ / Saturday, May 28, 2011

I love iced coffee. I am so not a coffee person otherwise, in that I really can’t distinguish good coffee from bad (although a really great cup might catch my attention), don’t care how it’s brewed, won’t notice if you stew it for a while and really, really can’t tell where you got your beans or how and when they were ground. When it comes to hot coffee, I’m a philistine, and I drink it with plenty of milk and […]

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On the Blogroll

By KJ / Friday, May 27, 2011

I’m on a long overdue mission to update my blogroll, which has become sadly dated. (Since I found one link that hadn’t been updated in 786 days, I’m guessing that’s when I last linked anyone up.) I’m bringing on some of those hip new things all the other kids have, like the title of the last post and the timing of the update, which I love when my fellow bloggers kindly provide to me. I’m a big blogroll click-thru fan. […]

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Quality Time: Or Not

By KJ / Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I’m a big fan of Laura Vanderkam’s 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think–a time management book with the premise that most of us do have time for the things we actually WANT to do. It changed my life in at least one way: I almost never say I “just don’t have time” for things anymore. Instead, I say (at least to myself) “I don’t want to give my time to that.” Because that’s nearly always the truth. […]

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Spring Clean-o-rama

By KJ / Saturday, May 21, 2011

Apparently the urge to clean, like spring itself, comes late to me. There are still hockey bags in our hallway. Ski boots in the closet. Too-heavy coats (although not full-on ski jackets) in the cubbies and I am tired of it, and tired of the piles in the kitchen, and tired of the piles in the bedroom, and tired of the piles in general. Maybe even tired enough to actually do something about it. But not alone. I called three […]

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Moment Moment Moment

By KJ / Saturday, May 14, 2011

I love my NPR. In the car, it’s pretty much solid NPR all day long, unless it’s Car Talk or one of the guest-oriented programs has someone on that I’m just not into. But NPR creates conflicts—namely, that all of my kids consider themselves, as conversationalists, way, way, WAY more interesting than even the most fascinating NPR story. And so should I, right? They will only be young enough to want to share with me, for a 25 minute drive, […]

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And You Let Them Drink Coke?

By KJ / Wednesday, May 11, 2011

This has never happened to me before, and I’m so happy that it waited until I was ready. Last night, Guo Ji Mama and I were at her son’s lacrosse game on our local fields. We ate a picnic from the Mexican place, left most of our respective broods happily playing in the park and sauntered over to sort of semi-watch the game. After a while, a largish blonde woman approached. “Are zose your kids alone in ze playground?” she […]

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Can I Give Today Back?

By KJ / Monday, May 9, 2011

What a day. Let’s just say that the amount of crying that went on this afternoon was stunning, and that was before I told the kids that the (old) dog had (easily, I hope painlessly) died this morning. I have had better days. So, I guess, had she… But (so I won’t start crying) back to the crying. I told the kids this am that I would bring them home for an hour before soccer. We take Lily’s friend B […]

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A Cleaner Car = a Better Life

By KJ / Saturday, May 7, 2011

Let me just say: actual adults could now ride in every single seat of my car. Rob’s boss’s wife. Your mother. Martha Stewart. (I would let any of them ride in the passenger seat. Of course. But say they were ALL in the car.) Now they could ride. I would not have to say “Oh, my God, I am SO SORRY.” Or “I have a towel. Do you want a towel? Seriously, take the towel.” Or “Shit, I don’t know […]

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Oops

By KJ / Friday, May 6, 2011

Oops Originally uploaded by kjda Apparently, some time in the past few weeks I missed a memo from the school. KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone

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I Am So Not the Person I Wish I Was

By KJ / Thursday, May 5, 2011

I Am So Not the Person I Wish I Was Originally uploaded by kjda I am so mad at them. I am so mad at me. And I would just like to say right now that this is stupid, stupid, stupid. Wyatt and Rory each brought a pop tart in the car on the way to Lily’s after school lacrosse. For Sam and Lily, I brought Oreos. (for those of you who thought we ate some fantastic, snotty organic diet, […]

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Should You Need to Ask for What You Want?

By KJ / Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Should You Need to Ask for What You Want? Originally uploaded by kjda "Ball!" Rory’s tennis ball ice cream has rolled away, under my feet. "Ball! Bally!" "Yep," I agree. "Bally." Rory sighs. "Please can you get my ball?" "Sure." I roll it back. We repeat a variation on this about every other hour. She will sit in the public restroom, grunting "uumph! Uumph!" if she can’t reach the toilet paper. Ditto for too high paper towels. Struggle with an […]

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Push, Push, Push

By KJ / Monday, May 2, 2011

Push, Push, Push Originally uploaded by kjda Both of my daughters are more like me–in all the ways I dislike myself most–than my sons, and so they are gifted with the power to push my buttons in ever more dramatic ways. Plus, and probably more relevantly, they WANT TO. Thus, here is Lily, tonight after dinner and an otherwise perfectly pleasant night. She carries a slice of apple in and sits on the couch and looks at me. You’re not […]

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What, Oh What Was I Thinking?

By KJ / Monday, April 25, 2011

You cannot do everything, right? I THOUGHT I was keeping that in mind this spring. I swear that I said no to lots of things. No baseball or tball. No gymnastics. No dance. No starting the violin. No art. No basket weaving, or underwater polo, or baking classes, or pottery, or…well, no baseball, anyway. That’s a classic spring sport! And we are not doing it! So it should all be good and work out for me, because I did say […]

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Happy Easter part one

By KJ / Saturday, April 23, 2011

Happy Easter part one Originally uploaded by kjda KJ Dell’Antonia

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Happy Easter, Part two

By KJ / Saturday, April 23, 2011

Happy Easter, Part two Originally uploaded by kjda Things I did right this year: Four sets dye, four sets cups, LOTS of eggs. (although Rory just said "I need more egg. She never really quite gets the idea of enjoying the process–for her, it’s a race to speed-dye the eggs, or frost the cookies, or whatever.) Bought white eggs in the next (bigger) town over. New England hens lay brown eggs, which dye more, well, subtly. Took this picture before […]

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The View Out My Window

By KJ / Saturday, April 23, 2011

The View Out My Window Originally uploaded by kjda I am going back to bed. KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone —

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Spring “Break”

By KJ / Friday, April 22, 2011

I know, I mentioned it in passing yesterday…but it is Spring Break, and we have gone to Disneyworld, had our fantastic time, and returned home…and I am tired. Everyone needs something from me, and I am not finding as much in me as there usually is. We are keeping it very quiet here at home, very little major activity, none of the usual cooking and baking and certainly none of the cleaning (that I HAVE TO get to tomorrow), but […]

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I need this.

By KJ / Friday, April 22, 2011

I need this. Originally uploaded by kjda KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone —

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Exhausted

By KJ / Thursday, April 21, 2011

Yes, even though it has been a long day home with all of you and we have made paper mâché and so on and endless so forth, I will read Ramona the Pest to you. Spring “break.”

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Hidden Mickey!

By KJ / Monday, April 18, 2011

Hidden Mickey! Originally uploaded by kjda It’s not often your brothers and sisters stand around cheering while you get your hair done. KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone —

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Call and Response

By KJ / Thursday, April 14, 2011

Call and Response Originally uploaded by kjda I know, you can’t see what’s going on. Suffice it to say that we are waiting for Sam to come out of school (Lily has a playdate), and I can hear how their messing around together goes WAY to well. It goes like this: Wyatt comes up to see what I am doing. Making a list, I say, and he tries to read it, while behind him: Rory: Wyatt tickle me! Tickle me! […]

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Nothing for Me!

By KJ / Wednesday, April 13, 2011

When next I post, it will no doubt be a picture–and it will surely be a happy picture, because we are off to the Happiest Place On Earth ™! Actually, is that right? We’re going to Disneyworld, anyway. The Happiest Place On Earth ™ might be Disneyland. Or somewhere else. I forget. But we’re off to Orlando. And I do expect there will be plenty of happiness, although I’m not fool enough to expect nonstop joy or even a day […]

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Enough.

By KJ / Monday, April 11, 2011

Tonight Rory wanted some pineapple in her lunch for tomorrow, which requires that I cut a little off for her. Which I did, and put it in the little box she’d selected, and put the lid on, and presented it to her. “I just gon’ LOOK,” she said, and opened it up. I don’t know why this bothers me, but it does. It bothers me, I’m sorry to say, a lot. And I know I’ve blogged about it before-but I […]

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The View from Lake Placid

By KJ / Saturday, April 2, 2011

The View from Lake Placid Originally uploaded by kjda Two minutes into the ride, my mobile rings and rings and rings. Three calls in I finally answer. Sam’s team picture is RIGHT NOW in front of the arena. Sam says "oh, I guess I should have told you." They waited. KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone —

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Hello New York!

By KJ / Thursday, March 31, 2011

Hello New York! Originally uploaded by kjda KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone –

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Best Ferry Ride Ever

By KJ / Thursday, March 31, 2011

Best Ferry Ride Ever Originally uploaded by kjda Only ferry ride ever! KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone —

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Because My Day Wasn’t Complicated Enough

By KJ / Thursday, March 31, 2011

Because My Day Wasn’t Complicated Enough Originally uploaded by kjda This is my car. My car with the spare on it. Because yesterday, at some point, I drove over what appears to be a giant staple. This was not good for my tire. Flat tires are an annual ritual of "spring"’ around here (I put that in quotes because it’s supposed to snow a foot tomorrow). The roads rut and they dump rocky fill into the ruts, and a sharp […]

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The Hug.

By KJ / Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Tonight I blew up at the kids in the car. This was once a regular occurrence, so regular that it’s safe to say they pretty much ignored it unless there was a threat involved, but I’ve grown. Mellowed. Come up with largely effective new methods of discipline and whatnot, and not only picked my battles, but mostly just chose not to battle. I lay out the way it’s going to be, and then it is. But tonight there was such […]

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The Family Meeting

By KJ / Monday, March 28, 2011

The family meeting is a big part of Parenting on Track, and as it happens, it’s a part I really love. But oh, it’s hard to schedule. The idea is to meet once a week, at a regular time, for the following: family “appreciations,” the choosing/handing out of jobs (which ought to be called contributions, but we don’t), problems (which we don’t really do yet, I’m waiting to get really regular with the meeting) and allowance. I think tonight was […]

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When to Win the Power “Struggle”

By KJ / Sunday, March 27, 2011

A couple of days ago I posted about refusing to give a screaming, rude and miserable Rory the sippy cup of water I’d brought for her to drink in the car, because when he first saw it she said (screamed) she didn’t want it. And yancy commented: This made me sad to read. Why does it need to be a battle or a question of someone’s winning and someone’s losing? The way I read it, you don’t want to give […]

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How the Crazy Person Bikes

By KJ / Sunday, March 27, 2011

How the Crazy Person Bikes Originally uploaded by kjda I don’t know what we were complaining about–it’s 32 degrees, and technically above freezing. KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone —

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Awesome breakfast.

By KJ / Friday, March 25, 2011

Awesome breakfast. Originally uploaded by kjda Yum! I’m on a healthy eating binge, and this is truly my favorite incarnation of that. Fruit, yogurt, honey, granola. I’m committed to a 25 mile, 3000 vertical feet bike ride in, um, 16 days. And I have ridden the trainer bike in the basement ONCE. Today my riding partner and I are going to brave the cold. It’s 20 now, we will see what it is in 2 hours! KJ Dell’Antonia sent from […]

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Sorry, Mommy.

By KJ / Thursday, March 24, 2011

There was this snack. If you get in the car, i said, to go pick up Sam and Lily (and then drive Lily half an hour to her dance class and then come fifteen minutes back to pick up the cookies for Sam’s Japan benefit tomorrow and then go back to pick up Lily and then drive half an hour home … sigh …) then you can have a snack. But what is it? Rory demanded. I’m not telling you. […]

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2 Minutes of Wild Hockey Action

By KJ / Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Rory is #10, black helmet, black ponytail. Wyatt is white helmet, #19 (both in yellow tied-on pinneys). The video was created by the proud dad of #14 in red. They played hockey for 2 straight hours Sunday in a wild end-of-season “jamboree.” And now they are mad that it’s over.

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Monster Cake!

By KJ / Saturday, March 19, 2011

Monster Cake! Originally uploaded by kjda KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone — KJ Dell’Antonia

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I Am a Million Different People

By KJ / Thursday, March 17, 2011

Rory has lived with us for 21 months now, and I still feel like I don’t know her. I love her, and I’m charmed by her, and I want to scoop her up and give her raspberries, but I don’t know her. I’m not sure she knows herself. I can predict what she’ll do on lots of occasions. If Wyatt pushes her accidentally, she will explode into tears and hollers and shrieks. If Wyatt whacks her over the head with […]

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Rory Can Take No for an Answer (Sort of)

By KJ / Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Sometimes life is not fair, and one of those times is at 7:45 when your big sister has just been allowed to take a shower. Wyatt and Rory want to take showers too! Nope. Sorry. Just only Lily. (That’s a Rory-ism in common use around here.) A tub? Nope. BUUUT WHHHYYYYYYY???? Because in fifteen minutes it will be time to brush teeth, and because no. Just no. Not going to happen tonight. Apparently I said that in just exactly the […]

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Off Track

By KJ / Saturday, March 5, 2011

“No!” Wyatt stood in our hallway, feet in his socks firmly planted on the floor. “No. I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to stay here!” Yesterday, I brought Rory and Wyatt home for about an hour before picking Lily and Sam up from school. I’d meant for us to stay out–but they were so awful, so whiny and obnoxious to me and to one another, that we ran one errand, abandoned the plan for coffee and treats (with a rousing […]

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The Milking Begins

By KJ / Thursday, March 3, 2011

I have managed, largely, to keep my goal of being softer with the kids going. This morning I found that verily, a soft answer doth turneth away the wrath even of a Lily who doesn’t like breakfast, couldn’t find the clothes she wanted and is generally grumpy (go find yourself something else for breakfast, fine, pretzels, pack it up carefully and bring it in the car). But oh, it has been a long afternoon. For starters, back in October I […]

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Ten Pounds Ago

By KJ / Monday, February 28, 2011

It was one of those afternoons. Babysitter’s car got stuck in the driveway, had to threaten to send Sam’s friend home if they didn’t do their homework as promised, forgot to make the pizza dough for dinner (but silver lining: check out this no-rise pizza dough recipe link to follow). Make-your own pizzas for five in a freshly cleaned kitchen…dumb idea. I was edgy. (http://amysfinerthings.com/no-rise-pizza-crust) More than that, it had been a natter, natter natter afternoon. Take that in the […]

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I Don’t Wanna Hafta

By KJ / Monday, February 28, 2011

I’m grumpy. I have no good reason to be grumpy, exactly. I just spent three nights–THREE–with just Sam at a hockey tournament, where I cooked nothing, cleaned little (our room was knee hockey headquarters for a while, so some cleaning was necessary) and put up with very little in the way of whining or complaint. (They lost. Lots. But we expected to, it was in MA and while we here in Hanover take our hockey way too seriously, we look […]

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The Softness Continues

By KJ / Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Two weeks. They say it takes thirty days to make a habit, but I’m just going to shoot for two weeks. Two weeks of soft. Two weeks of not reacting, of giving, of opening. Two weeks. (I might really be trying to actually change, but shhh…don’t tell me!) For two weeks I will try to give all the kids the me they need when they need me, instead of demanding and battling or just rigidly resisting. It’s obvious that’s going […]

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What I Wish I’d Done All Along

By KJ / Monday, February 21, 2011

This morning before school some incident occurred upstairs, and a wailing sobbing Rory came down. “Wyatt pushed me in the belly,” was the complaint, and I tried to offer the best sincere sympathy I’m capable of before coffee, but didn’t meet the second part of any such issue: addressing the culprit and demanding that he not do whatever it was again. And I didn’t hug for very long. Morning isn’t my best time. Sympathy isn’t my best thing. Rob clearly […]

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Why Does It Always Have to be Snakes?

By KJ / Sunday, February 20, 2011

Why Does It Always Have to be Snakes? Originally uploaded by kjda Today’s referendum on my love took place in the bathroom. I have to go. Fine, let’s go. Will you come in with me? It’s really tiny in there. I don’t fit. Look, you can see my boots. My boots are in with you. But I want you to hold my coat. Ok. I like your hat, Mommy! Does your hat fit you? Yes, yes it does. I got […]

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I Don’t Even Want to Control You. Do I?

By KJ / Friday, February 18, 2011

I’ve been storing up examples of Rory’s need for control, in part to prove to myself that I’m not imagining things, and to gain, of course, additional verification that she is trying to drive me crazy: In a restaurant, I ordered her chicken fingers, and she pitched a fit. “I not want you do that! What they got?” Um, chicken fried steak, meatloaf, smoked chicken and chicken fingers. That’s it. That’s the kind of restaurant it is (and one, I […]

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Kids Fight for Us, But Knowing That Isn’t Helping Much

By KJ / Wednesday, February 16, 2011

There’s no question in my mind when it comes to what my kids fight about. Mostly, they fight about me. Occasionally, they fight about one another (as in, two siblings fighting for the attention of another sibling). Once in a while, they fight about candy. But mostly, they fight about us, and even more specifically, they fight about me. Even more clearly since the advent of Rory, in our house, it’s all, all, all about who’s got Mommy’s love/attention right […]

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