Blog
Verklempt.
I’m having a moment. Summer is over, it is oh so very much over. Sam is back at school, and the others go back next week, and the luxury of having so many days stretch out before us with little planned is utterly gone, and I am feeling like I wasted so much of it caught up in my own stuff. Sam will turn 9 next year–nine!–and time is passing. I should have spent the whole summer holding his hand. […]
Grumpy.
I’m feeling impatient and cranky today–like all I can do is gripe at people and criticize. And very touchy–as in, I worked hard on this dinner and you’d better sit down and eat it right now, and for heaven sakes don’t TALK to me while you’re doing it! Nobody is moving fast enough or being nice enough for me. Rory’s horrible wound is a little better. Sam still looks like he’s been in the wars, but I don’t think he’s […]
How was the Big Birthday?
Great, if you just whitewash it here and there. The thing is, from two on, I had to just get my skates on and GO. 2:00 pick up Sam, town, snack, buy balloons, 3:00 pick up Lily, home put together big ole’ plastic doll house, cry because we cannot play more with it and it is not ours (well, that would be Lily). 4:00 babysitter’s, share cupcakes, celebrate. 4:30 Farmer’s Market for dinner. Park, try not to get run over, […]
The Artists
The Artists Originally uploaded by kjda This is how we celebrated Columbus Day. For once, everyone is feeling very satisfied (and they are about to have pumpkin pie!)(not made from these pumpkins–who do you think I am?!) KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone
A Halloween Book that looks like us.
A Halloween Book that looks like us. Originally uploaded by kjda I know my kids’ books–I co-authored a book about them, and I review them for DoubleX–but I have to admit that the advent of Rory has made me more aware of race in the pictures. That’s not really true–I was always aware–but more appreciative of books that look like us, and the Biscuit books–while not always my favorite, because they tend somewhat towards the inane–are good that way. The […]
Ouch–Another Bad Morning
The power went out this morning, for all of about 20 seconds. How badly can this throw us off? You’d be surprised. First of all, many clocks no longer functioned, but the real issue was the alarm clock that announces that it’s time to brush teeth–or rather, time to shift gears. You cannot argue with an automated bugle. You CAN argue with mommy, or at least you can try. You can’t win, but you can burn a lot of energy […]
Never Best Left Unspoken
Let us say, for example, that you have something you would prefer the children not discuss at this precise moment. In our house, that list could include: Monkey Bars The book “Snuggle Puppy” Izzy’s upcoming birthday party Chinese class Rory’s Mama Deena and Baba Mike baths The one thing we are guaranteed to talk about is exactly whatever you–or, in this case, obviously I–would prefer that we just not, at that particular moment. I am happy at any moment of […]
The Person I Want to Be
The Person I Want to Be Originally uploaded by kjda Today, after school and Sam’s early dismissal and a fairly lengthy incident that seemed as if it was all Wyatt’s fault for having a temper tantrum and hitting me in the preschool parking lot but was really my fault for running late, we made snickerdoodles. Sam and I put the ingredients together, Lily ran the mixer and everbody rolled balls on cinnamon and sugar, and everyone was happy, and Sam […]
Mellow, Relatively Speaking
Mellow, Relatively Speaking Originally uploaded by kjda This was yesterday, actually, at the bookstore. Lily read a Dora book that I refused to read–which was of course a serious bonus. Coffee was had, a small tantrum thrown for reasons too dull to describe here (suffice to say that no, I won’t buy TWO copies of Berenstein Bears Valentine’s Party–in fact, I can’t believe I bought one.) And we skied a few runs, had a Lily friend over and her mom […]
What I Want to Send for Lunch
What I Want to Send for Lunch Originally uploaded by kjda I would do it, too–except that even though I have three kids all eating lunch at the same school, they aren’t allowed to share food. We spent the day skiing–fabulous! Wonderful! Also surprising, since at 3:45 this morning Lily was throwing up. But unless it involves contagiousness–hard for me to imagine on a ski slope–I never argue with a kid who says she’s feeling well enough to get outside. […]
Any Chance You’re Thinking of Adoption?
Toying with it, maybe–kinda just thinking hey, what-if… I have a feeling you’re out there. Email me or post a comment and ask me to email you. (No one can see your address but me.) It is so hard, and you should totally do it. There are so many kids out there, Rory’s age and a little older, that need the life we have.
Procrastination Lesson
Sam had a “Jump Rope for Heart” event at school today. They were out early–at 12:30, for conferences–and participating kids could stay, and jump, and earn prizes and have big fun. But they were supposed to raise money for the American Heart Association. The papers came home weeks ago, and I said, Sam, look, you could really do this well, you know a lot of people. I will match anything you raise. After a week I brought the papers along […]
Rainy snowy happy Saturday
I just want to say that I truly believe this was the first rainy saturday I have spent wholly at home with no real plans and no big activities since Sam was born, so almost nine years ago,that I haven’t wanted to rip my one arm off and beat myself to death with it by dinnertime. Around here that counts as a good day. I am not ignoring the question of whether I got flak for the slate article–I just […]
Vasa museum
Vasa museum Originally uploaded by kjda KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone
I Dunno…
Meh. It’s summer. This makes me happy. I bonked, halfway through a DoubleX post today that I wNted to write, in fact, told people I would write–three hours later, there I was with the same single paragraph. I can tell you that is not an economically sustainable business model. This makes me unhappy. Rory is having a delightful touch of nighttime regression, refusing to go to sleep, romping about her room, kicking, jumping and building forts until all hours. Unfortunately […]
When Putting Your Kids on Reality TV is Good for Your Career (and you’re not an actress)
Let’s say you’re the owner of a small but popular bakery and a gifted cake decorator with aspirations to be, say, the next Colette Peters. But how do you get there? Baking celebrity cakes would help. Writing a book, ditto. But somehow you’ve got to get the attention of the celebrities, and publishers insist that a book needs a “platform.” “Who’s going to buy a book by an unknown baker,” they demand, while you’re left moaning “but how do I become a known baker without a book?” Meanwhile, you’re juggling triplets, running the bakery and soothing a husband who’s one–tenth occasional (and subversive) bakery staff and nine-tenths Mr. Mom. You’re at a standstill.
Enter TLC. Read More
Not a Baby
Not a Baby Originally uploaded by kjda In June, I was at the pool and kept hearing, I thought, Rory crying. Again and again I’d look and see … An angry baby, about a year old, making the noise Rory makes when she cries, exactly. And not the noise she makes when she really cries–the noise she makes when she fake cries because she’s angry, or needs attention, or is outraged at the general un fairness of life. I decided […]
Julia Roberts: Formerly Hot?
Jess, I love that women over 40 are dominating on magazines covers and, even better, in the movie theater. I noticed it too—and I also noticed Laura Linney (46) on the cover of last week’s New York Times Magazine, that More magazine’s circulation is increasing (cover girls have to be over 40; this month’s Kyra Sedgwick is 44), and that the inside of Elle magazine, not just the cover, offers articles clearly aimed at women past the ingenue stage: recovering […]
One. More. Day.
I’m not exactly ready for school to start. It’s just that, given that it’s going to start, that the inevitable march of time will draw us inexorably onward, I would just as soon things START ALREADY. There’s this whole processing and adjusting and sorting thing coming at us like a freight train, and in my head, I’m already on it. But in reality, of course, I just have to let it spin out. Tonight we nibbled at it. Sam and […]
Truly Friends Forever
Most of us had friends as kids that we promised, with mixed results, to love forever—but what must a friend from your orphanage, from your foster home, from your past mean to a kid? We adopted Rory at nearly four, and from the first, she’s been asking for “Bethany.” As often as she cried for her foster mother and father, and maybe even more often, she cries over Bethany. She wants to see her. She lingers over the pictures we […]
No Messing With Heaven
First, let me say that I know from tough questions bubbling up from the back seat. I have already handled, on previous occasions, the question of what war is, an explanation of gay marriage and, regarding racial discrimination, “but that was all a long time ago, right?” And I have fielded, also while driving, a lengthy discussion among all four kids regarding why and how my youngest son, then three, could indeed “get a baby” if he chose to marry […]
Language As a Second Language
I have to admit I am a little worried about Rory’s language. She isn’t exactly a non-native English speaker. Her foster parents spoke English, and so did she, although it was about on the level of a two year old (we adopted her at almost four). But the nannies and other staff spoke Chinese or dialects, and I imagine the children did a lot of physical communication, since they would have had varying speech abilities. Rory is still behind, and […]
Lily and I Get Crafty
Lily and I Get Crafty Originally uploaded by kjda In a continuation of the preceding post, this is also the kind of thing that is now possible, on this side of the mountain of the past, oh, nine years. I like this kind of project. Quick and chick. Start, over done, contemplate achievement. I like Gingerbread houses. I like frosted cookies. I like Halloween costumes and cardboard box houses. I will never, ever sew you a dress–too precise. Too time […]
Fireflies, the Musical Version
I seem to remember someone in some book or another making fun of the way, in musicals, suddenly everyone bursts out singing. This is not, of course, the way of the real world, particularly if you live, as I do, in a pretty deep swamp of cynicism accompanied by a healthy dose of irony. I mean, I might burst out singing, but it would be meta-singing, in which I totally understood how goofy it was to burst out singing. My […]
What I Wish I’d Done All Along
This morning before school some incident occurred upstairs, and a wailing sobbing Rory came down. “Wyatt pushed me in the belly,” was the complaint, and I tried to offer the best sincere sympathy I’m capable of before coffee, but didn’t meet the second part of any such issue: addressing the culprit and demanding that he not do whatever it was again. And I didn’t hug for very long. Morning isn’t my best time. Sympathy isn’t my best thing. Rob clearly […]
Because My Day Wasn’t Complicated Enough
Because My Day Wasn’t Complicated Enough Originally uploaded by kjda This is my car. My car with the spare on it. Because yesterday, at some point, I drove over what appears to be a giant staple. This was not good for my tire. Flat tires are an annual ritual of "spring"’ around here (I put that in quotes because it’s supposed to snow a foot tomorrow). The roads rut and they dump rocky fill into the ruts, and a sharp […]
Should You Need to Ask for What You Want?
Should You Need to Ask for What You Want? Originally uploaded by kjda "Ball!" Rory’s tennis ball ice cream has rolled away, under my feet. "Ball! Bally!" "Yep," I agree. "Bally." Rory sighs. "Please can you get my ball?" "Sure." I roll it back. We repeat a variation on this about every other hour. She will sit in the public restroom, grunting "uumph! Uumph!" if she can’t reach the toilet paper. Ditto for too high paper towels. Struggle with an […]
Stomp STOMP Stomp STOMP STOMP Thud!
Every night, right around this time, we hear it. Stomp stomp STOMP STOMP STOMP Click-squeak-slam! STOMP STOMP STOMP. Pause. Stomp stomp STOMP STOMP STOMP Slam- squeak-click! STOMP STOMP STOMP. It’s Rory, getting up to go to the bathroom, slamming open the bedroom door, then returning and slamming it shut. She doesn’t need or want help. She feels fully confident in making her own way on this. Doesn’t turn on a light. Her siblings could sleep through anything, and they sleep […]
Open to the Unexpected: La Famile Qui Vont en Velo Ensemble
More from France: The bike shop in St. Chinian where we rent our bikes is a very small bike shop. And in France, they take their biking very seriously. So it is a small and serious bike shop. Which means we were able to rent bikes for me, Rob and—barely—for Sam, but not for anyone else. This is what comes of vacationing in a place where, at least from the place’s perspective, no one in her right mind would vacation, […]
Cheerio Art
Cheerio Art Originally uploaded by kjda Both entertainment options and the dining situation on the Island have palled a bit. KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone —
The Unexpected Dividends of Switching It Up
On this rainy Labor Day, books were read, games were played, video games were played, Lego models were built and various and sundry this and thats and whatnots occurred, and suddenly it was 5:30 and no plan had been made for dinner (which, of course, really means that I hadn’t thought about dinner.) There were boxes of fondue in the fridge, and already sliced fondue bread in the freezer (from a party that took place last November, but it’s the […]
Come visit me at Motherlode
For today, I offer you two topics: School lunches: Fix ’em from the top down, or the bottom up? And: Middle School locker bling: a harmless outshoot of too much igloo decorating on Club Penguin, or consumerism run amuck?
Shoul I Prep, or Just Let This Happen?
If you’re visiting a friend or child with a handicap that is noticeable but not necessarily something that will bother your kids, do you bring it up? I blew this a few weeks ago, when we went to see a family member who is being treated for cancer. I thought she’d wear a wig, and that the kids wouldn’t notice, and I didn’t want them to pester her with a lot of questions. Instead, she had a little soft cover […]
It Looks Like Such a LEETLE Rock.
It Looks Like Such a LEETLE Rock. Originally uploaded by kjda KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone
Delicious Nutritious Chocolate Cereal Pretzel Mix Part 3 of 4
Delicious Nutritious Chocolate Cereal Pretzel Mix Part 3 Originally uploaded by kjda One large bowl: filled twice to allow room to stir, with half of all the ingredients. Don’t stress over equal chocolate distribution, it all works out in the end. I spread parchment on the counter to spread the mix out on to cool and harden. Overnight is best, but that really depends on where your cat sleeps. So, why is this so good for me? Keep reading. KJ […]
Full Cappelletti (or Ravioli) Recipe from Motherlode
Full video and recipe for making my family’s not-so-secret cappelletti and ravioli.
Yeah, or I Could Wait Until They Come Home from School and Make Things Worse
I know it’s hard for kids to transition from school. I know coming home to your lame family after a great trip with your friends is tough. I swear I went into the pick up line excited to get everyone back for a beautiful afternoon. I was thinking swimming, maybe ice cream I’m not entirely sure I can tell you exactly how it ended up with me declaring that maybe, if they were lucky, something–car accident, terrorist attack–would get their […]
What If You Just Did One Thing at A Time? Really Just One Thing.
I can really only do one thing at a time. You could call that Unitasking, or Monotasking, or my favorite—being human, since no one can really do more than one thing at a time—but whatever you call it, it’s how I work best.
#ReadySetGo2: Setting #WriterResolutions for 2017
For me, one of the biggest barriers to setting goals is stopping doing things long enough to decide what I want to do. On Episode 34 of the #AmWriting podcast, Jessica Lahey and I talked writerly goals: specifically, what makes a good goal, and how to set some in honor of this traditionally goal-setting time of the year. For Episode 35, we’re actually setting those goals—which means getting them down on paper. It also means checking in on last year’s […]
Resistance Is Useless
You’re going to read the bedtime story, make the extra orthodontist appointment or pick up the kid who missed the bus. You might as well do it with grace. Some days (weeks, months) are frustrating. All anyone wants from you is everything—every spare minute, every ounce of patience, and oh, that sandwich you just made for your own lunch looks good too. Everywhere you look, there’s another octopus, all grabbing arms and suckers, holding you in place until they use […]
I have a book cover! How to be a Happier Parent arrives for pre-order.
How to Be a Happier Parent appears for the first time in online bookstores this week! I’m so thrilled. I love the book, and I’m looking forward to sharing it. For now, here’s what my publisher has to say about it: An encouraging guide to helping parents find more happiness in their day-to-day family life, from the former lead editor of the New York Times’ Motherlode blog In all the writing and reporting KJ Dell’Antonia has done on families […]
A Sibling Fight Survival Guide
Disagreements among brothers and sisters aren’t just inevitable – they’re educational. Angry footsteps upstairs. Screams. “I hate you!” Slam. Fists, on a bedroom door. Then, inevitably, the unified shriek: “MOOOOMMM!” That was the soundtrack of the year when my daughters were 11 and 12, shared a bedroom, and fought like caged tigers. As a parent, I was at a loss. It seemed like every meal or car ride ended in misery, and I was convinced that our family life was […]
Happier Parents leave wiggle room
I had an amazing morning today, which can be summed up as follows: got child to doctor’s appointment on time. Let’s back up. Why would that constitute an amazing morning? Because it’s something I rarely achieve. The doctor’s office is a 25-30 minute drive, at the end of which, just as you’re thinking hey, we’re just in time, you encounter the parking garage. The parking garage takes a minimum of ten minutes to navigate, because it’s a narrow structure […]
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