My aspirationally weekly, realistically more like monthly email of books and enthusiasms will keep your #tbr full and make sure you know what's next.
The Real Reason My Kids Will Learn to Be Responsible Originally uploaded by kjda This is Rory wearing Lily’s shorts for soccer. Rory is wearing Lily’s shorts for soccer because although I noticed this morning that she was wearing long pants, I promptly forgot, and although I brought everyone’s shirts and shin guards and cleats, I forgot to bring her shorts, and I also forgot all three soccer balls. In theory, they should pack for soccer themselves. But I have […]
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When I’m driving—which is to say, when I’m stuck in the car, cruising along and unable to do anything other than contemplate the meaning of Sam’s favorite song (“Fireflies,” a song that gives “MacArthur Park” a run for its money in terms of its general air of having a much deeper meaning than anything that’s actually said ) if he has control of the iPod, or belt out a few of my own favorites (I favor “If You’re Gonna Play […]
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In theory, our kids have responsibilities. And they do—they pack and unpack their own lunches, they each have a weekly chore, they’re responsible for cleaning up their toys and getting their laundry in the bin. And, of course, they have privileges. We feed them, right? And take them places. And periodically buy them stuff. We’ve been having some trouble, Rob and I, figuring out how those things were supposed to be tied together. Surely if you didn’t do your responsibilities, […]
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I love iced coffee. I am so not a coffee person otherwise, in that I really can’t distinguish good coffee from bad (although a really great cup might catch my attention), don’t care how it’s brewed, won’t notice if you stew it for a while and really, really can’t tell where you got your beans or how and when they were ground. When it comes to hot coffee, I’m a philistine, and I drink it with plenty of milk and […]
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I’m on a long overdue mission to update my blogroll, which has become sadly dated. (Since I found one link that hadn’t been updated in 786 days, I’m guessing that’s when I last linked anyone up.) I’m bringing on some of those hip new things all the other kids have, like the title of the last post and the timing of the update, which I love when my fellow bloggers kindly provide to me. I’m a big blogroll click-thru fan. […]
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I have a problem. Well, I have a lot of problems, but this is a specific problem. I have these books. Actually, I probably have a thousand of them, but most of them are not a problem. Most of them are beloved members of the household. But these…I’m not so sure about these. Here’s what happened. Today I was inspired to take every single thing out of the kids room (I promise to share the result of that one later, […]
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Do you do the preface? As in, “I love my kids, but?†Or, maybe more relevantly, “I love [my adopted child], but?†Dawn at Create a Family and the bloggers of The Adopted Ones were talking, recently, about that twinge of disloyalty that comes when we decide to really dish about our families. It works both ways: “I love my mom, but†is coming, and it’s probably come out of your own mouth, too. The question is, do adoptive parents—and […]
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I’m a big fan of Laura Vanderkam’s 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think–a time management book with the premise that most of us do have time for the things we actually WANT to do. It changed my life in at least one way: I almost never say I “just don’t have time” for things anymore. Instead, I say (at least to myself) “I don’t want to give my time to that.” Because that’s nearly always the truth. […]
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I’ve just finished reading Anne Lamott’s Imperfect Birds, which, long and very absorbing story short, is about an AA mother, her newly druggy teen and her writerly second husband, and how the mom and stepdad wise up to their too-clever daughter. On the surface. Under that, it is, of course, about a lot of things, and not the least is how crushed the mother is by how late it is with her daughter. She’s been her mother, and not always […]
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Whew. It is Sunday night. We had a long, nice weekend of mellow togetherness. Helped Sam with his model of Spaceship Earth. Took Lily, Wyatt and Rory to the bookstore with their wallets. Went to a grown-up party (for us, there were a few kids there but hey, not ours!) and made new friends, a rarity in our town, where a) we tend to already know most people and b) (and probably more relevantly) people only talk to people they […]
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Apparently the urge to clean, like spring itself, comes late to me. There are still hockey bags in our hallway. Ski boots in the closet. Too-heavy coats (although not full-on ski jackets) in the cubbies and I am tired of it, and tired of the piles in the kitchen, and tired of the piles in the bedroom, and tired of the piles in general. Maybe even tired enough to actually do something about it. But not alone. I called three […]
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I’ve always tended to react to evenings—you know, after bedtime, when you regroup and try to figure out what on earth went wrong and how others could change to make it better—based on how the kids were. “Lily was in rare form,” I say of my girl with the curl right in the middle of her forehead. Or “Wyatt just could NOT leave Rory alone.” And I think of how things went—whether there were bedtime books, whether I’m glugging the […]
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Wyatt and Rory brought these home from school earlier this week. They were part of a much-heralded art project that is truly Montessori in theme: using clay, wax and soft wood, they were exploring different carving mediums! That seemed fine to me, if a little high-falutin’; I don’t tend to question what they do on Montessori time. They go, they come back, they seem happy, I detect learning—this is all I ask. I displayed their art on the kitchen counter […]
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Last night, in a lucky confluence of events, I unloaded my pasta machine from the basket I’d taken to Wyatt’s classroom (biannual pasta-making demonstration) at the same moment as I began contemplating mixing up tortilla dough—and a brilliant idea was born. Any good Texan knows that the only real tortillas are handmade tortillas, and that putting “handmade” on a baggie and then selling them in the grocery fridge section really does not count. I’ll eat those, but only under duress. […]
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When we adopted Rory, almost two years ago now, she was 3 1/2, 6 months older than our youngest, Wyatt. All of our other kids were biological kids (Sam was 7 and Lily 5), and Rory was our first (and only) foray into adoption. We “adopted out of birth order,” and as I remember it, the decision process went something like this: our social worker, Kathleen, a big, comfortable woman with shorn white hair and a confident, rolling walk, had […]
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I love to grow food. I’m pretty indifferent about flowers. I mean, flowers are nice. I like it when there ARE flowers. But there’s a limit to how much time and effort I will invest in flowers, and I generally reach it about the moment when I get to the farm stand, note the huge selection and decide to go get a coffee. (Good thing the farm stand has coffee!) But growing food–whole meals so local we are talking steps […]
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I love my NPR. In the car, it’s pretty much solid NPR all day long, unless it’s Car Talk or one of the guest-oriented programs has someone on that I’m just not into. But NPR creates conflicts—namely, that all of my kids consider themselves, as conversationalists, way, way, WAY more interesting than even the most fascinating NPR story. And so should I, right? They will only be young enough to want to share with me, for a 25 minute drive, […]
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Today: Lily’s lacrosse. Lily’s lacrosse takes place from 3:15-4:15 at the green in front of the elementary school in one of the next towns over. On the down side, it’s a solid 20 minutes there from Lily’s school, which gets out at … 3. This means we WILL be late. No matter how hard I try. I can be bright and shiny and first in the carpool line, and there we will still be: late. On the plus side, Lily’s […]
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This has never happened to me before, and I’m so happy that it waited until I was ready. Last night, Guo Ji Mama and I were at her son’s lacrosse game on our local fields. We ate a picnic from the Mexican place, left most of our respective broods happily playing in the park and sauntered over to sort of semi-watch the game. After a while, a largish blonde woman approached. “Are zose your kids alone in ze playground?” she […]
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What a day. Let’s just say that the amount of crying that went on this afternoon was stunning, and that was before I told the kids that the (old) dog had (easily, I hope painlessly) died this morning. I have had better days. So, I guess, had she… But (so I won’t start crying) back to the crying. I told the kids this am that I would bring them home for an hour before soccer. We take Lily’s friend B […]
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It must be spring, because amidst all of the outside activities and the going outside and the going back outside comes… cleaning. Sort of. At a very low key. I have a pretty high tolerance for the debris level in our house at the moment, because while dealing with it—putting, say, the hockey bags away for the year—would give me a pleasant high and offer some lasting pleasure, it would have to come at the expense of other things , […]
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Let me just say: actual adults could now ride in every single seat of my car. Rob’s boss’s wife. Your mother. Martha Stewart. (I would let any of them ride in the passenger seat. Of course. But say they were ALL in the car.) Now they could ride. I would not have to say “Oh, my God, I am SO SORRY.” Or “I have a towel. Do you want a towel? Seriously, take the towel.” Or “Shit, I don’t know […]
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I Am So Not the Person I Wish I Was Originally uploaded by kjda I am so mad at them. I am so mad at me. And I would just like to say right now that this is stupid, stupid, stupid. Wyatt and Rory each brought a pop tart in the car on the way to Lily’s after school lacrosse. For Sam and Lily, I brought Oreos. (for those of you who thought we ate some fantastic, snotty organic diet, […]
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Crafty Lily Originally uploaded by kjda Lily has crafty instincts in more ways than one. By all rights, today should have been soccer. Normally, we play soccer in the rain around here. We do not let a little 50 degree weather or drizzle stop us! In fact, we have, and have had since Sam was this age and playing in this particular soccer (a spring fundraiser for the Dartmouth men’s and women’s soccer teams), special soccer gloves. Well, they’re not […]
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Should You Need to Ask for What You Want? Originally uploaded by kjda "Ball!" Rory’s tennis ball ice cream has rolled away, under my feet. "Ball! Bally!" "Yep," I agree. "Bally." Rory sighs. "Please can you get my ball?" "Sure." I roll it back. We repeat a variation on this about every other hour. She will sit in the public restroom, grunting "uumph! Uumph!" if she can’t reach the toilet paper. Ditto for too high paper towels. Struggle with an […]
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Guess who is the only child to just come in every day and empty her lunchbox out without direction? Rory. Guess who remembers to do her morning chore without being asked? Rory. Guess who jumped up and got the crayons when I reminded them that Mother’s Day boxes were being mailed tomorrow? Rory. She is so alert to any opportunity to please. Not just me, either. Wasn’t I so nice, Wyatt, she asks if she gets him a cup for […]
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Push, Push, Push Originally uploaded by kjda Both of my daughters are more like me–in all the ways I dislike myself most–than my sons, and so they are gifted with the power to push my buttons in ever more dramatic ways. Plus, and probably more relevantly, they WANT TO. Thus, here is Lily, tonight after dinner and an otherwise perfectly pleasant night. She carries a slice of apple in and sits on the couch and looks at me. You’re not […]
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You cannot do everything, right? I THOUGHT I was keeping that in mind this spring. I swear that I said no to lots of things. No baseball or tball. No gymnastics. No dance. No starting the violin. No art. No basket weaving, or underwater polo, or baking classes, or pottery, or…well, no baseball, anyway. That’s a classic spring sport! And we are not doing it! So it should all be good and work out for me, because I did say […]
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Happy Easter part one Originally uploaded by kjda KJ Dell’Antonia
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Happy Easter, Part two Originally uploaded by kjda Things I did right this year: Four sets dye, four sets cups, LOTS of eggs. (although Rory just said "I need more egg. She never really quite gets the idea of enjoying the process–for her, it’s a race to speed-dye the eggs, or frost the cookies, or whatever.) Bought white eggs in the next (bigger) town over. New England hens lay brown eggs, which dye more, well, subtly. Took this picture before […]
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The View Out My Window Originally uploaded by kjda I am going back to bed. KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone —
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I know, I mentioned it in passing yesterday…but it is Spring Break, and we have gone to Disneyworld, had our fantastic time, and returned home…and I am tired. Everyone needs something from me, and I am not finding as much in me as there usually is. We are keeping it very quiet here at home, very little major activity, none of the usual cooking and baking and certainly none of the cleaning (that I HAVE TO get to tomorrow), but […]
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I need this. Originally uploaded by kjda KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone —
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Hidden Mickey! Originally uploaded by kjda It’s not often your brothers and sisters stand around cheering while you get your hair done. KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone —
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Call and Response Originally uploaded by kjda I know, you can’t see what’s going on. Suffice it to say that we are waiting for Sam to come out of school (Lily has a playdate), and I can hear how their messing around together goes WAY to well. It goes like this: Wyatt comes up to see what I am doing. Making a list, I say, and he tries to read it, while behind him: Rory: Wyatt tickle me! Tickle me! […]
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When next I post, it will no doubt be a picture–and it will surely be a happy picture, because we are off to the Happiest Place On Earth ™! Actually, is that right? We’re going to Disneyworld, anyway. The Happiest Place On Earth ™ might be Disneyland. Or somewhere else. I forget. But we’re off to Orlando. And I do expect there will be plenty of happiness, although I’m not fool enough to expect nonstop joy or even a day […]
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Tonight Rory wanted some pineapple in her lunch for tomorrow, which requires that I cut a little off for her. Which I did, and put it in the little box she’d selected, and put the lid on, and presented it to her. “I just gon’ LOOK,” she said, and opened it up. I don’t know why this bothers me, but it does. It bothers me, I’m sorry to say, a lot. And I know I’ve blogged about it before-but I […]
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This month’s Parents magazine has a piece on “How to Know If Your Child Is Gifted” (a newsstand headline if I ever saw one; my fellow writers will agree that the only thing better would be “10 Ways to Know If Your Child is Gifted”). I get it in the mail, and yeah, I flipped to that one. I have a weird history with the whole “gifted” idea; we moved a lot and I was “gifted” in some places, and […]
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The View from Lake Placid Originally uploaded by kjda Two minutes into the ride, my mobile rings and rings and rings. Three calls in I finally answer. Sam’s team picture is RIGHT NOW in front of the arena. Sam says "oh, I guess I should have told you." They waited. KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone —
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Hello New York! Originally uploaded by kjda KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone –
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Best Ferry Ride Ever Originally uploaded by kjda Only ferry ride ever! KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone —
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Because My Day Wasn’t Complicated Enough Originally uploaded by kjda This is my car. My car with the spare on it. Because yesterday, at some point, I drove over what appears to be a giant staple. This was not good for my tire. Flat tires are an annual ritual of "spring"’ around here (I put that in quotes because it’s supposed to snow a foot tomorrow). The roads rut and they dump rocky fill into the ruts, and a sharp […]
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Tonight I blew up at the kids in the car. This was once a regular occurrence, so regular that it’s safe to say they pretty much ignored it unless there was a threat involved, but I’ve grown. Mellowed. Come up with largely effective new methods of discipline and whatnot, and not only picked my battles, but mostly just chose not to battle. I lay out the way it’s going to be, and then it is. But tonight there was such […]
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The family meeting is a big part of Parenting on Track, and as it happens, it’s a part I really love. But oh, it’s hard to schedule. The idea is to meet once a week, at a regular time, for the following: family “appreciations,” the choosing/handing out of jobs (which ought to be called contributions, but we don’t), problems (which we don’t really do yet, I’m waiting to get really regular with the meeting) and allowance. I think tonight was […]
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A couple of days ago I posted about refusing to give a screaming, rude and miserable Rory the sippy cup of water I’d brought for her to drink in the car, because when he first saw it she said (screamed) she didn’t want it. And yancy commented: This made me sad to read. Why does it need to be a battle or a question of someone’s winning and someone’s losing? The way I read it, you don’t want to give […]
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How the Crazy Person Bikes Originally uploaded by kjda I don’t know what we were complaining about–it’s 32 degrees, and technically above freezing. KJ Dell’Antonia sent from my iPhone —
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Awesome breakfast. Originally uploaded by kjda Yum! I’m on a healthy eating binge, and this is truly my favorite incarnation of that. Fruit, yogurt, honey, granola. I’m committed to a 25 mile, 3000 vertical feet bike ride in, um, 16 days. And I have ridden the trainer bike in the basement ONCE. Today my riding partner and I are going to brave the cold. It’s 20 now, we will see what it is in 2 hours! KJ Dell’Antonia sent from […]
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There was this snack. If you get in the car, i said, to go pick up Sam and Lily (and then drive Lily half an hour to her dance class and then come fifteen minutes back to pick up the cookies for Sam’s Japan benefit tomorrow and then go back to pick up Lily and then drive half an hour home … sigh …) then you can have a snack. But what is it? Rory demanded. I’m not telling you. […]
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