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Raising Devils

Booster Seats and the New Odyssey

By KJ / Friday, March 10, 2006

We just bought the customary third child minivan, for two reasons: primarily because in our SUV, in order to reach the third row, either a) you fold down one of the front seats, thus leaving no room for two car seats or b) the child in the third row has to climb over the middle row or c) you have to open the back hatch. Even taking into account how much fun all that would be, then picture one of […]

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Irritable

By KJ / Thursday, March 9, 2006

This is quickly becoming the blog of the cranky. I am not usually cranky, although I wouldn’t call myself particularly perky, either. But today I am deeple cranky. I have yelled at Sam about five times for being actually irritating and several times for just being. Now, when he’s finally at school and Lily is napping, I just can’t DO anything. For starters, two of the three things I most want to do–have a baby and buy a new house–are […]

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And Another Thing

By KJ / Tuesday, March 7, 2006

Well, that last post was perky, wasn’t it? Nothing like a good attitude…(and that was nothing like…). Well, here’s another thing I’m not so crazy about in this, the last few weeks of pregnancy: I hate the publicity of the whole thing. Oddly, for a blogger, I’m a very private person, and there is really nothing private about being nine months pregnant. It’s part of the reason I’m always so reluctant to tell people my actual due date. I don’t […]

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The Thing About Giving Birth

By KJ / Sunday, March 5, 2006

Packed my bag for the hospital today. Too much, I’m pretty sure, but the thing is a) I can’t reallyt remember which pants will fit, other than most emphatically NOT regular pants and b) you never know what you’ll bleed on, or otherwise cover in bodily fluids. And I packed a bag for Rob to bring later, with an outfit for the baby and the cover for the car seat and such, and made a list of things that necessarily […]

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The House that Got Away

By KJ / Friday, March 3, 2006

Oh, well. Someone willing to pay more for it than we were bought the house we wanted. I’m dejected and disappointed, but we bid the right amount…you know, it probably feels worse to overpay than to not get the house. I’m partly just disappointed because I was revved up for it to HAPPEN. And I hate it when I want something and don’t get it. I’m not good at that at all. I know, a better house will come rolling […]

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3 long weeks or 3 short weeks?

By KJ / Monday, February 27, 2006

It has just come to my attention that my due date-and this is my latest due date, actually five days away from the earliest one that’s been suggested–is three weeks away. (Not latest in the sense that it’s just been given to me, but latest in the sense that of the three guesses made by various midwives and ultrasound technicians, it’s the farthest away.) Three weeks is not very much. We have yogurt in our fridge that will still be […]

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10 Reasons Why I Want to Sell This House and Buy a Different One

By KJ / Sunday, February 26, 2006

1. I firmly believe I will not move any furniture from either Ikea or Jennifer convertibles. This is a triumph of optimism over experience. 2. It will force me to get a dumpster and clean out the basement, which has accumulated an alarming amount of useless stuff we don’t want in just under four years. A new basement will not do this. (Again, optimism bests history.) 3. I can’t decide what color to paint the porch. 4. Baby #3 cannot […]

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The Amazingly Quick Morning Routine

By KJ / Friday, February 24, 2006

I just want to say that I can wash my hair, blow dry, do make-up, etc. and get dressed in about half an hour or less, I really can. This is why it took an hour and a half this morning: Undressed for shower. Lily decided she wanted to shower, too. Helped her take off pjs, diaper. Lily sees that it is a shower, not a tubby, and does not want to get int. Much crying ensues, which probably actually […]

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2 Hours A Day Is Not Enough

By KJ / Monday, February 20, 2006

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If

By KJ / Wednesday, February 15, 2006

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By KJ / Monday, February 13, 2006

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Again! again!

By KJ / Sunday, February 12, 2006

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A Very Small Silver Lining

By KJ / Friday, February 10, 2006

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24-7 Kids Kids Kids

By KJ / Saturday, February 4, 2006

I sometimes think that we are the only family that spends all of our time either actively entertaining our kids grunting and getting up unwillingly to help with something or get something while trying to do something that appeals to you (like, say, reading the newspaper) trying to persuade your spouse to do all the entertaining so you can hear yourself think taking kids somewhere kid-appropriate, or at least somewhere to kill time. Sam and Lily are 4 1/2 and […]

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The End of Anonymity is Nigh

By KJ / Friday, February 3, 2006

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Hey,

By KJ / Monday, January 30, 2006

I was at a party over the weekend, an actual, honest to god, here’s a loud band and some food and some drink party (dancing to 60’s and 70’s standards under the stuffed heads of decapitated animals, an unexpected party from the pov of me in my twenties but a fun one just the same). The band took a break, and my friend L sidled up to me and hissed “hey, let’s slip outside for a cigarette.” For jsut a […]

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The End! The Beginning! The End!

By KJ / Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Check out this link for Amazon and this one for B & N to see a preview of Reading to Babies, Toddlers and Twos. I feel great and Susan does too–now on to promoting it, selling it and enjoying it! Guess I’ll need to put up an official link here, too. We’re even planning a blog book tour–I’ll be emailing people to see if they want to participate in a week or two. Plus: One first draft novel, finished, less […]

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The End! The Beginning! The End!

By KJ / Tuesday, January 24, 2006

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Just in Case You Visit Me

By KJ / Monday, January 16, 2006

Here is a brief list of things that actually would be helpful: Buckling any child into his or her car seat at any time. Any form of playroom cleaning, dishwasher loading or table wiping that is done without making a big deal out of what you’re doing, so that I feel bad for not doing it myself. Putting any child into a coat or shoes that is appropriate for the weather when we are about to go out. Reading to […]

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These Things Do Not Happen to Good Housekeepers

By KJ / Friday, January 13, 2006

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All Manuscripts MUST…

By KJ / Tuesday, January 10, 2006

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Unquestionably the Lamest Last-Minute Show and Tell Ever

By KJ / Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Picture026.jpg, originally uploaded by kjda. Sam, stricken, as we walk into school today: It’s Show and Tell Day! Me: Oh. Sam: And we can’t pick something from the classroom anymore! I need something! It is clear there is no point in suggesting that he just not give a show and tell today, not if I want to get out of there without tears. I suggest that I’ll go to the car and look for something. The car is not the […]

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Stop Kicking Me! I’m Down!

By KJ / Monday, January 9, 2006

#3 has been resolutely kicking and pushing at one particular spot on my left side for weeks now. Today he (accepting ultrasound version of sex even though I’m not invested in it, for convenience sake) outdid himself. By 2:00 I was nearly in tears. Tylenol is no help, and if you thik about it, would it be? If you had a big giant bruise and I kept poking it, would you take a little mild painkiller, or would you punch […]

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13 Things Hanging Off My Refrigerator

By KJ / Thursday, January 5, 2006

1…. An Emergency contact list for the babysitter. If you look behind it (please don’t) you’ll find information about what to do in the event of both my and my husband’s horrible demises (demeese?) because once we took a plane trip without the kids, and, well, that’s just the way I am. 2. An Olivia the Pig magnet. 3. Anti-W New Yorker cartoon mocking the heartland. (I was born in the heartland, I can mock it.) 4. A toy that, […]

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It Only Seems Like Forever

By KJ / Tuesday, January 3, 2006

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By KJ / Tuesday, January 3, 2006

Watching the build-up the Rose Bowl made me remember one of my favorite techniques for handling the many, and nearly always male, detectives and cops I worked with in the NYC District Attorney’s office. My boyfriend/husband was an ESPN addict, and although I had no trouble tuning out SPorts Night, some of it invariably sunk in–and it went farther to create a rapport than anything I could have done short of growing a penis and turning Irish. If I were […]

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Just a Temporary Truce

By KJ / Friday, December 30, 2005

I refuse to wave the white flag, but there is now no way I can meet that Dec. 31st deadline. All my babysitting for the end of the week has fallen through, so unless I skip the New Year’s Eve party we’re supposed to attend in favor of drafting, there’s no way for me to get anything done. Even today, I kept thinking–what about tonight? And tomorrow night? But it’s time to be realistic. We came home from the holidays […]

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Uh-Oh, the End Approaches

By KJ / Monday, December 26, 2005

The end of the year, and I am not finished with my draft. The holidays gained momentum and then overtook. But I still maintain hope. 5 days remain. 5 days in which to draft…well, to be honest, I haven’t counted, and I don’t think I will. But I’m off, now, to see if I can’t manage maybe just one scene before bed. Just one, just one, just one small scene. Even half a scene is far better than none.

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By KJ / Thursday, December 15, 2005

So, old lady in the grocery store, you win. I am sorry that my two children and their mini-carts momentarily blocked your progress through the grocery store. I am sure you have many, many other important things to do, and hopefully you’re expending most orf your patience on them. That’s the sarcastic bit. But actually, I really am ashamed that either a) they can’t push those damnable little carts of horror nicely, without freezing in mid aisle to determinedly chew […]

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The Good, the Bad and the Ugly: 2005 edition

By KJ / Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Every year the Byliners on The Well (my favorite online community of freelancers and roustabouts) post “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly”– a little annual review of career, life, and just a touch of politics. Here’s mind (feel free to do to same on your blog, and let me know). The Good: Broke into 4 national magazines in one way or another. First essay accepted for national mag. Finally have some strong recent clips. Finished co-author book, edited, well […]

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Copping Out, or Coping?

By KJ / Sunday, December 11, 2005

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Chug Chug Chugging along

By KJ / Thursday, December 8, 2005

I’m on target to finish the draft. I am really going to do it this time. It’s really, really going to happen. Not just if I tell you ten times it might be true, but really. Oh, and there’s the little matter of a professional, paying assignment to get done this week and next, too, but I feel good. I can do it. I can pull this off. Work is heating up for R., which makes my duties on the […]

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No 50,000 Words for Me!

By KJ / Friday, December 2, 2005

I won’t be posting a NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) finisher medal here. In the end, I wrote more like 8,000 words, although I did manage a fair amount of work this past month–just not on the novel. I sent article queries, I polished and sent out an essay, I traveled…well, excuses. Good ones, but excuses. But this is no month for querying or sending out essays, and so this is it, the final draft push. It can be short, […]

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The Thanksgiving Weight-loss Plan

By KJ / Monday, November 28, 2005

1) Eat all meals with eighteen-month-old on your lap. Succumb to her demand that you give her all the good bits. Martyr yourself by refusing to let anyone else sit with misbehaving child in the car. 2) Visit someone who, if that person saw the way you usually eat while pregnant, might say things like “oh, of course you can eat that way, but I have to be careful.” Which almost sounds like a complement–but isn’t. It’s one of those […]

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Third

By KJ / Tuesday, November 22, 2005

This is wholly stolen from a friend of mine, who’s website I would link to here if she’d let me, although it would be risky because she has, probably wisely, chosen to keep her site wholly anonymous, but: The best thing about being pregnant with your third baby is that when people smile wisely at you and say “Is it your first?” you shake your head and say “Nope. Third.” And then they just back slowly away. No advice, no […]

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A Little Party Post-mortem

By KJ / Sunday, November 20, 2005

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In which I clear up the Mork from Ork reference

By KJ / Thursday, November 10, 2005

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Maternity Jeans

By KJ / Tuesday, November 8, 2005

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Nano, Nano November

By KJ / Friday, November 4, 2005

My plans for November: Thanksgiving, of course. One big party, many many guests, with enough food to constitute dinner–that’s the weekend before Thanksgiving. One short trip to Bermuda. (Lucky one night boondoggle.) Clean entire house preparatory to huge party, as in–that cabinet has got to go! I ordered new shelves and gee, if I’m going to clear the kitchen counters I might as well organize the spice cabinet, and once I do that I have to move some stuff to […]

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Lily’s First (Real) Halloween

By KJ / Monday, October 31, 2005

Picture058.jpg, originally uploaded by kjda. That’s Sam in the background, with “Boo” on his ghost costume. We made a ghost for Lily too, but she didn’t like it. So I produced Sam’s old dog costume and said, cautiously “Lily be doggie?” “No Mommy.” “Cute doggie, Lily. Look at his ears! Look at his tongue!” There was a moment of consideration, then she sat down in my lap and stuck her legs out for the fitting. As I remember it, with […]

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October in New Hampshire

By KJ / Tuesday, October 25, 2005

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Tact for the Pregnant

By KJ / Monday, October 24, 2005

Tonight at book club I sat next to a girl, somewhat younger than me, about four weeks away from having her second baby and more than ready. We were talking about how weird those last few days were, when you know it’s going to happen, but you don’t know when. “I really realized it when I bought milk with an expiration date that was past my due date,” she said. “I felt like it was sort of a cross between […]

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A False Alarm for Freak-Out Girl

By KJ / Saturday, October 22, 2005

Last night, in the middle of innocent teeth-brushing, I was suddenly and unexpectedly just knocked over with pain in my middle. Anyone who’s had both knows that really bad stomach cramps and really bad labor cramps feel, well, much the same, and since it’s a mistake I’ve made before I really panicked, but I couldn’t do anything about it, except sit there and panic. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t yell for help–but what would have done, anyway? […]

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I Do Not Want to Talk on the Phone

By KJ / Friday, October 21, 2005

I am a bad person with a massive guilt complex, but I rarely return phone calls. I do not like them. They require too much real-time presence, and the only time I have any real-time presence to give is, generally, at night after bed time, a time I devote to a) recovering and b) novel writing. I am so protective of my time. I feel like it’s a slippery eel, always swimming away from me as I grab after it […]

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In which I give the dead past a little tickle

By KJ / Wednesday, October 12, 2005

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I Am a Genuine, Honest-to-Gosh Writer

By KJ / Tuesday, October 11, 2005

I have finally grown comfortable enough with the possibility of rejection and with the growing body of words from my tap-tapping little fingers to confide that i am writing a novel. In fact, recent word count has me at 41,481 words. Many of them are deeply crappy words, certainly, but still words. Absolutely words, all mine. I suppose I’m partly ok with sharing this because a) I am not going to tell you what it is about, I don’t do […]

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The Writing Front

By KJ / Wednesday, October 5, 2005

A couple of months ago I sent out an essay–actually at an editor’s request, a first for me. I proposed an article on how former professionals, now stay-at-home moms, rarely just stay home–they usually do something to stay sane, too. She thought it sounded more like an essay than an article. Writing essays to order is always tough, and this one fought hard. I finally sent it out just because I coudn’t get it any farther and it seemed pretty […]

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Big News and Excuses (and Too Much Information for Dad)

By KJ / Tuesday, October 4, 2005

We’ll be adding a third devil to the pack in March. I couldn’t blog about it until I told my mom, now, could I? And I couldn’t tell my mom without some good concrete info about a due date, and I couldn’t get good concrete info about a due date without an ultrasound, and I couldn’t get an ultrasound until they managed to squeeze me into their insanely busy schedule. Why no pre-existing info about a due date? Because my […]

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Why I Hope No One Gives Me Any Wishes

By KJ / Thursday, September 8, 2005

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I Have to GOOOOO!

By KJ / Tuesday, September 6, 2005

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