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KJ

Poopy-Bottomed Demon Child

By KJ / Monday, February 7, 2005

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Update from the John

By KJ / Wednesday, February 9, 2005

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It Worked for Virgina

By KJ / Wednesday, February 9, 2005

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Super Saver Shipping

By KJ / Wednesday, February 9, 2005

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Bananas and Schadenfreude

By KJ / Tuesday, February 15, 2005

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Upgrade in Progress

By KJ / Tuesday, February 22, 2005

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Back to New York

By KJ / Thursday, February 24, 2005

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Carefree, Ad-busted (or new fashion trend?)

By KJ / Wednesday, March 2, 2005

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Cariboo, Caribee

By KJ / Friday, March 4, 2005

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A Little on Lily

By KJ / Friday, March 4, 2005

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Look At the Schnoz On Her!

By KJ / Friday, March 4, 2005

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Cariboo, Caribad

By KJ / Friday, March 4, 2005

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Define "Gossip"

By KJ / Wednesday, April 6, 2005

Really, nothing is better than a little bit of dish. Particularly if that dish makes you feel, oh, just that much better than the person about whom your source is dishing. Maybe, just maybe, you feel like a better mother, or a better wife, or just a better person all around, period. Gives you just that warm glow. For about an hour. Then you’re left with knowledge. Knowledge that, if shared, could make others feel like better mothers, better wives, […]

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I Went for a Run Today, and It

By KJ / Thursday, April 7, 2005

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Chronicles of the Sleepless and Damned

By KJ / Friday, April 8, 2005

I just hit Lily’s crib so hard that I think I broke my hand. Really helped. too. I imagine she feels really secure in there right now. I also screamed back at her in rage, hit myself repeatedly in the head with my hand and shook said crib, hard. All in an attempt to get her to just GO TO SLEEP AND STAY ASLEEP DAMNIT. No one heard me and came to my rescue. Probably more significantly, no one came […]

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The Draft Card

By KJ / Thursday, May 19, 2005

I just heard one Elaine Donnelly from the Center for Military Readiness describe, for NPR listeners, exactly why it’s important that Congress pass a bill codifying Defense Department policy which excludes women from units which participate in direct armed conflicts. Before we get to Ms. Donnelly, why is this happening now? Pentagon policy also excludes women from units which “collocate routinely” (that is to say, move) with combat units, and apparently there’s a sense that in Iraq, units including women […]

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Forecast: Mild Depression, with Possible Sloughs of Dispond

By KJ / Wednesday, May 25, 2005

It’s raining here today. It also rained yesterday, and the day before that. The Day before that the sun was out for a bit in the morning, and then it…rained. Tomorrow we’re expecting rain, followed by clouds, which will be accompanied by rain. Oh, and then it’s going to rain. But not to worry, because the day after that, it’s going to rain. And, just in case you were a bit worried about drought, this weekend we’re expecting rain. I’m […]

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Why I know how to spell Listeria

By KJ / Thursday, May 26, 2005

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In Which a Gentle Mist of Espresso Rains Down

By KJ / Sunday, May 29, 2005

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Trixie in Limbo

By KJ / Tuesday, May 31, 2005

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Trixie Gets Better, and My True Nature Reasserts Itself

By KJ / Thursday, June 2, 2005

Trixie has pulled through. We’re so happy to get her back. Of course, if you’d asked me when I thought I’d never see her again, I’d have said I’d do anything for her. But when all my carefully laid plans for going to get her this morning crashed and burned because they didn’t want to release her until late afternoon, well… 2 hours there. 2 hours back. Drive all afternoon on the first nice day we’ve had in weeks, pick […]

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Happy Birthday to Lily

By KJ / Friday, June 10, 2005

Lily’s one today, glorious one. She walked her first step on Memorial day, four steps two days later–and hasn’t repeated it since. She’s the Queen Mum of waving, standing at the train table, greeting me with a frantic wave when I come to release her from her car seat. She likes putting things in things, then taking them out, then putting them back in again (I could go on…). She likes bags to carry and hats to put on her […]

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10 Reasons Not to Have #3

By KJ / Friday, June 10, 2005

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And More Happy Birthday to Lily

By KJ / Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Tonight was Lily’s actual birthday celebration. 12 adults and 12 kids ranging in age from 7 mos-4 years descended upon us, bearing gifts. We fed them cake, pizza, strawberries and grapes, not actually in that order. Oh, and also, cheese puffs. Kendall said “oh, hell, forget organic, have a cheese puff,” and I looked at her in horror. “They are organic!”. These are our closest friends. At the moment, in order to be admitted into our inner circle, you must […]

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Imaginary Money

By KJ / Thursday, June 23, 2005

I love spending imaginary money. Usually I do it in catalogs, but today I took the imaginary money total to new and greater heights than it’s ever been before. It started out with a simple patio. I’ve been wanting a patio since we moved here, and a few weeks ago I decided to actually take a few steps in that direction. So I called Brian, who did a little tractor work for us last spring. Brian was the dream tractor […]

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Happy Sprinkle Day to Sam

By KJ / Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Sam’s birthday, his “actual birthday with all the stuff”. His party was a minor comedy of errors: it was supposed to be a construction party, to honor all the work we’re doing on the patio with an outdoor dirt pile and a special sand pile. It rained. Oh, how it rained. But I refused to jettison, because the hourly forecast suggestede that it would STOP raining. I hid all the treats outside, and then the rain came down. The rice […]

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Three Shots (and

By KJ / Thursday, June 30, 2005

It was Sam’s annual check-up today, an event he’s been preparing for by reading Blue’s Check-up and conducting mock doctor’s appointments for months. He enjoyed himself vastly as they checked his vision and his hearing , weighed him, measured him and produced, as promised, an otoscope and a stethoscope. He was most pleased, and reasonably charming. Until the medical student and doctor exited, and the nurses arrived. They tried to be nice. One, a gregarious, gigantic guy named Kevin, was […]

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The Full-serve Dilemna

By KJ / Sunday, July 3, 2005

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The Flaming, Defiant Role Model

By KJ / Friday, July 8, 2005

I was listening to some of my backlogged This American Life in the car, driving down to Boston and back to get Trixie (because I am an NPR geek, and my ipod contains TAL episodes, one audio book by Anne Lamott and two by Sarah Vowell, plus miscellaneous music which I almost never listen to). The particular episode that caught my attention featured Seattle writer and syndicated sex columnist Dan Savage talking about a kid he’s particularly admired in high […]

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By KJ / Saturday, July 9, 2005

9:30 a.m. Amount of patience remaining: 0 Number of times children woke in the night and required tending by an adult: 3 Number of times yelled at Sam in last 3 hours: unk. Number of adults currently watching children:0 Most irritating conversation held with Sam, while still in possession of patience: “Mommy, look what I can do!” (moving shoes from one shelf to another. “mmm hmm.” “Do you want me to move these?” “No, thank you.” “But do you want […]

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Sam at the pond

By KJ / Monday, July 11, 2005

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Not Quite the O.C.

By KJ / Tuesday, May 17, 2005

A complete confession–I really like it when Jetta gets what she deserves. I mean, she’s so snooty, and even her dog is snooty, and it’s just somehow satisfying to see her learn her lesson every ten minutes (although if she’d really learned her lesson, she wouldn’t have to relearn it every day, would she? Also, I finally saw the one where they introduce Enrique, and it explained a lot, although I’d still like to know why the one dragon in […]

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I Get to Go to a PARTY! (Two!)

By KJ / Thursday, May 12, 2005

When we were in NYC, we went out. All the time. Even after Sam was born, we went out after bedtime, we went out with a babysitter, we took him along. He’s slept under more bars than my friend the Hip Big Spender, back in his drinking days. Now, we stay in. Some would blame this on the arrival of baby Lily and the growing up of Sam, but I think not. He was sleeping in his stroller in a […]

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Diary of a Thwarted Bicyclist

By KJ / Friday, May 6, 2005

Noon. I decide to try out the new (to us) double bike trailer in between lunch and the 2:00 arrival of Holly, babysitter extraordinaire. But first, of course, lunch. Lunch is the bane of my existence. While fruit and cheese and maybe a little prociutto or bread seems like enough for me, it does not seem to me to be enough to sustain either Sam or Lily through an active afternoon. Every day, I decide that I must offer them […]

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Better Rested But Probably Still Damned…

By KJ / Friday, April 8, 2005

As always, things look better in daylight. In fact, Lily slept until 4:45, then nursed and went back to sleep until seven in our bed. If I’d known she was going to do that, instead of convincing myself she was going to wake up every ten minutes until doomsday, I would not have a large purple mark on my palm. Now that no one is screaming and the sun is shining and the kids are, in fact, with Holly so […]

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The Triumph of Optimism over Experience (Again)

By KJ / Sunday, April 10, 2005

The most popular jogging route in town runs right past our front door. On a beautiful spring day, you can’t help but look at the people running by and find yourself somehow convinced that they are having fun–that their shins do not hurt and their hearts are not pounding and their lungs are not crying for mercy. Or at least, I can’t. I put Lily into the jog stroller and set out on the 3-mile loop. Is it possible to […]

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The West Wing Finale (Finally)

By KJ / Tuesday, April 12, 2005

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On Gratitude, the Media, and Michael Jackson

By KJ / Tuesday, April 12, 2005

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Beautiful Duke (Rhymes with Puke)

By KJ / Saturday, April 16, 2005

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The Terrible Twisty Tentacles of Depression and Schadenfreude

By KJ / Tuesday, April 19, 2005

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(From the Motherhood, LLC Employee Manual

By KJ / Tuesday, April 19, 2005

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By KJ / Wednesday, April 20, 2005

I’d forgotten entirely that one of the frustrations of older babies is their sheer shackling power. Sam was a master shackler. He could not, would not play alone. If he could see me, he wanted arms, kisses, breasts. I could do nothing while he was awake and little while he was asleep due to his sheer unpredictability. They won’t watch TV (Oh, I know, bad and all that, but come ON…). They cannot be bribed, or sedated with snacks, and […]

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You

By KJ / Sunday, April 24, 2005

Never underestimate the powers of a girl whose night out in NYC has been cruely ripped from her grasp. I checked in with a friend on the way to the city, and she relayed the bad news: stomach flu had felled our babysitter. I shook my fist and cursed the darkness, then picked up my cell phone and started flipping through names—who would know a babysitter? Karen, friend and sitter extraordinaire, is getting married in two weeks…I tried anyway. She […]

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Just a Few More Steps, and

By KJ / Tuesday, April 26, 2005

I have seen the new food pyramid, and the news is good–apparently, if you run up just a few steps a day, you can eat anything you want at the top of the pyramid! At least, that’s what I heard someone on NPR say. She seemed worried that all of us graphic sign-people would take loan personal brokersloan personal paquotes personal loanpersonal in london loans companiespersonal for loans arkansasloans for women personalpersonal lender loansyork loans new state personal Maploan short […]

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Just a Few More Steps, and

By KJ / Wednesday, April 27, 2005

I have seen the new food pyramid, and the news is good–apparently, if you run up just a few steps a day, you can eat anything you want at the top of the pyramid! At least, that’s what I heard someone on NPR say. She seemed worried that all of us graphic sign-people would take xanax buy pharmacy phentermine On the 20 March 2008 xanax buy pharmacy phentermine flight was the first time voice calls have been allowed in-flight on […]

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Brilliant Things People I Know Have Said About Dwarfs

By KJ / Wednesday, April 27, 2005

First, check out what Tish has to say about the Seven Dwarfs of PMS. I particularly love the illustrations. I’ll just take this as an excuse to segway into this child malapropism story, which I otherwise would have absolutely no reason to share: Sam, at preschool one day last summer, handed me his project (a toilet paper roll creature) on the way to the car. I admired it, but dropped it (without realizing it) lifting him into his seat. “My […]

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Man, That Girl Can Iron!

By KJ / Friday, April 29, 2005

I do own an iron. We do. Also an ironing board, with a fetching blue and white checked cover (I think. I would have to check, as it’s been a while since I’ve seen it. I’m not actually sure where it is, but I think I could find it. There aren’t that many places to keep an ironing board, after all. They’re quite large.) So I do. Own an iron. Which means that I could iron something. I think it’s […]

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My New (used) Mountain Bike

By KJ / Sunday, May 1, 2005

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Oh, You

By KJ / Sunday, May 1, 2005

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Dr Bradigan, DDS, Gun Runner

By KJ / Wednesday, May 4, 2005

Today was Sam’s second dentist appointment. He’s been looking forward to it all week, for reasons he never really articulated. Generally, I think he likes being the center of attention, no matter what form. Once we were there, he sank into himself, a little, huddled just a bit in the chair. I could tell he was nervous, but I stayed in my chair, across the room, smiling, relaxed, and he relaxed too. He eyed each instrument as she presented it, […]

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